TS: Hello, Eregion Fine Jewelry Customer Service...(drones on..)
Frodo: I want to complain about my ring. I specifically asked for the NON-EVIL model.
TS: (still droning)...This branch is no longer in service; please refer all complaints to the Orodruin Center. Thank you for your business, and farewell until the world is changed.
Frodo: (angrily slams phone down) I only just GOT this ring! How can the manufacturer be out of business? (dials Orodruin Center)
TS: Orodruin Customer Service, Snaga speaking, how I help?
Frodo: I want to complain about my ring. I ordered a non-evil variety, you know, party tricks, disappear, pick your friends' pockets...and I got this nasty staring Big Red Eye and Wraith Attractant version. I want to exchange it for the right model!
TS: Uh...only one ring...to rule them all...One Ring.
Frodo: (fuming). How can there be only ONE ring? How do you guys stay in business?
TS: One Ring...get boss. (on hold...sounds of screaming and torture overlaid by strains of the
Carpenters)
TS: Boss say bring ring in to shop. He fix.
Frodo: Where's your nearest branch to Hobbiton?
TS: Bring ring to Barad-Dur. He fix.
Frodo: How far is your shop?
TS: 1784 miles
Frodo: Can't you send someone?
TS: Sure. Send Witch King to get, er...fix! ring! Where you live? Name?
Frodo: Shire. Baggins. (knocks self in head)
thinking: I don't think I should have said that!
Cheers!
Lyta