I've just had another look at HoME 10 & 12, so I've a few more things to add. These might be of particular interest to anyone who hasn't got a copy of these volumes.
About Glorfindel. Tolkien was keen to 'fit' his two lives into the tale somehow, and at first he had Glorfindel travel to Middle Earth with Gandalf, thus explaining their strong bond, and interestingly, explaining why the WK was so afraid of Glorfindel. Then he revised this and had Glorfindel return to ME during the Second Age, before the downfall of Numenor to be of assistance to Gil-Galad and Elrond. Tolkien could not have Glorfindel simply be a name that was used twice as it was too linguistically unusual, and he also had a problem that Glorfindel had been one of the rebelling Noldor, and thus it did not fit with the rules that he should be allowed to return to Valinor and hence be reborn; he gets around this by Glorfindel's good deeds and sacrifice in his first incarnation.
So, it does seem that Glorfindel is a special case, or at least an unusual one, in that he returns to Middle Earth.
Yet it is still profound that the Elves, once reincarnated, remain in Valinor. It is, following on from davem's words, fascinating that they could have had a particular bond with Valinor as a land, even those such as Legolas who had never been there.
In Volume 10 there is a much about the 'houseless fea', i.e. the spirit without a body, and also about those who did not reincarnate and remained in the Halls of Mandos. I bookmarked this some time ago intending to do a thread on the subject but I'll try and be brief and just add some excellent quotes!
About Elves being 'bound' to the land:
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The others remained, by desire or command, fear unbodied, and they could only observe the unfolding of the Tale of Arda from afar, having no effect therein. For it was a doom of Mandos that only those who took up life again might operate in Arda...
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About the refusal to be reborn:
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...it was held that the refusal to return to life, after repose in Mandos, was a fault, showing a weakness or lack of couarge in the fea.
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It seems that those who have never been to Valinor are more likely to refuse the call to go to Mandos (which means that even they must be allowed to go, just as the Eldar do), and that many of the Noldor also refused to go. This then must mean that there are many 'houseless spirits' in Middle Earth. Tolkien mentions that they are not all benevolent:
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...wander houseless in the world, unwilling to leave it and unable to inhabit it, haunting trees or springs or hidden places that they once knew. Not all of these are kindly or untainted by the Shadow.
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This really is a fascinating part of HoME and I recommend it. It goes on to say many interesting things about Sauron and the fea, if you aren't already tempted.
Clearly, the Elves are
expected to be incarnate, and to be denied this is seen as a terrible punishment (akin to being a ghost, able to see and hear loved ones but not to participate in their lives). It is also clearly
dangerous to be 'houseless' in Middle Earth, as it seems that figures such as Sauron exploited this, and perhaps, also exploited the character weakness of some of those Elves who had decided to rebel by refusing to go to Mandos. Makes me wonder exactly
what some of his minions were composed of...and it has made me think again about Old Man Willow. And to be houseless also seems to be a kind of sin for an Elf, frowned upon, and faintly wrong.
Yet for those who die twice it does not seem to quite as wrong to refuse to be reborn into a third incarnation, so perhaps there is some respite for some of the Elves after all. Or does this tell us something about the nature of violent death and trauma, that it is so dreadful that even an Elf, tied to eternal existence, would rather be houseless and a 'sinner' than risk going through that trauma again?