That's a hilarious post, but I think you're in the wrong forum...
It seems obvious from you hilarious conclusion and frothy mode of speech that you don't intend to present your conjecture as serious, but I think you've posted in the wrong Forum. The one you want would be Middle-Earth Mirth, which this would appear to be.
If, on the other hand, you actually DO intend this as a serious post, then I suggest battening down the hatches, loading the cannons, and preparing to be bombarded in a canonical blitz that would make the Battle for Britain look like a driving range.
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I prefer history, true or feigned.
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