I thought only Elrond and Elros were given the immediate choice of whether to be man or elf. If, Joy, as you say like Arwen, the offspring were given the choice, then the Numenorian kings who wished for and even warred for eternal life would have had no beef with the Valar. They would have been able to make their own choice. This was not the case, however. Elros's choice chose the Numenorian path.
I think because of Arwen's choice to love a man she was forced or even mandated by the law of the Valar that she must give up her immortality. I cannot give specific evidence to this fact, but didn't all the elf maidens who married men give up their spirit to Mandos as the price for their love?
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"I wish I could go all the way with you to Rivendell, Mr. Frodo, and see Mr. Bilbo," said Sam. "And yet the only place I really want to be in is here. I am that torn in two."
"Poor Sam! It will feel like that, I am afraid. " said Frodo. "But you will be healed. You were meant to be solid and whole, and you will be."
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