[Mithalwen]

Mr. Gandalf: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. . I wish to complain about this horse what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very stables.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Mearas Grey...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Gandald I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. G: Look, matey, I know a dead horse when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable horse. the Mearas Grey, idn'it, ay? Beautiful coat!

Mr. G: The coat don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr.G: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the horsee) 'Ello, Shadowfax! I've got a lovely apple for you if you
show...

(owner hits the horse)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. G: No, he didn't, that was you hitting him!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. G: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...



Mr. G: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That horse is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged gallop.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the Wold.

Mr. G: PININ' for the WOLD?!?!?!? Look, I took the liberty of examining that horse, and I discovered the only reason that it had been standing in the
first place was that it's hooves had been NAILED to the stable floor .

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that horse down, it would have nuzzled up to the stable door, opened the latch with his teeth, and
VOOM! Clippetty clip!

Mr. G: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this horse wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. G: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This horse is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the floor 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-HORSE!!