[The Saucepan Man]

I also hear that Jackson is contemplating directing a film concerning the adventures of Bilbo when he accompanied Gandalf and 4 Dwarves on a Quest to liberate the Lonely Mountain, once a Dwarven stronghold, from the evil clutches of a Dragon called Smaug. The working title is The Hobbit.

Rumour has it that the climax of the film is a terrific battle, called the Battle of Four Armies, where forces of Elves (led by Orli - er - Legolas' father, Thrandolas), Dwarves and Men are pitted against Hyena-riding Orcs. The highlights apparently, are Legolas shield-skiing down the Lonely Mountain and Arwen's defeat of the potato-headed Orc chieftain in single combat.

However, it is also rumoured that the tale may not be as swashbuckling as the original trilogy of films and that it may not feature the same style of basic humour. If it does not have belching Dwarves and superheroic high-cheekboned Elves, I shall be leading the call for it to be excluded from the Jackson Middle-earth Legendarium.