I think that the key to understand Arwen's behaviour after Aragorn's death is in the quote provided by X Phial from the story of Beren and Luthien. It has been said of Arwen that she was very similar to Luthien.
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But it is said that not until that hour had such cold thoughts ruled Finrod; for indeed she whom he had loved was Amarië of the Vanyar, and she went not with him into exile.
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