Underhill, that’s the best explanation of the circumstances of Arwen’s death that I’ve heard! I like the thought that she takes time to reconcile herself with her own (and Aragorn’s) death. It rings true for me and gives her voluntary death more dignity, less despair and bitterness. She obviously needed that time alone to come to terms with the fate that she faced; perhaps she thought that no one else could share or understand it. I had never considered the “we” aspect of the quotes you listed, but that does explain “why she had to go” (to quote a Beatles song).
I also appreciate your thought that a voluntary death is preferable to a prolonged life with the “infirmities and indignities of old age“. I know of elderly family members and acquaintances who wish that they could choose the grace of going voluntarily when they are ready for death. We may well experience that ourselves when our time comes. When we do, wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back on a life lived “in great glory and bliss”? (I guess that’s the fairy-tale aspect – there doesn’t seem to be much of that to a normal life nowadays.)
One more quote to add to the bitter-sweetness of their parting; Aragorn says:
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I speak no comfort to you, for there is no comfort for such pain within the circles of the world.
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It seems that we attempt to choose avoidance of pain nowadays, rather than accepting it as a part of life. Tolkien shows us that sorrow is there, but it is possible to accept it without bitterness. I’m reminded of something that Aragorn said earlier in his life, speaking of Merry:
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His grief he will not forget; but it will not darken his heart, it will teach him wisdom.
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May I be granted such wisdom, in life and in death.