[Aiwendil]

A Few More Comments - up to NA-RG-24

NA-TI-23:

NA-TI-23<Sil77 {Then in great peril they entered in, and they found Túrin fettered hand and foot and}And tied he was to a withered tree; and all about him knives that had been cast at him were embedded in the trunk, and {he was senseless in a sleep of great weariness}NA-EX-46<GA; Commentary §275 the {dragon- helm}[Dragon-helm]{ - or} was{ it} set on Túrin's head in mockery by the Orcs that tormented him >. But Beleg and Gwindor cut the bonds that held him.

Why is "he was senseless ins a sleep of great weariness" removed? I would say:

NA-TI-23<Sil77 {Then in great peril they entered in, and they found Túrin fettered hand and foot and}And tied he was to a withered tree; and all about him knives that had been cast at him were embedded in the trunk, and he was senseless in a sleep of great wearinessNA-EX-46<GA; Commentary §275 [T]he {dragon- helm}[Dragon-helm]{ - or} was{ it} set on Túrin's head in mockery by the Orcs that tormented him >. But Beleg and Gwindor cut the bonds that held him.

The inserted sentence about the Dragon-helm is a bit awkward, I confess, but I think it's necessary to tell that Turin was sleeping.

NA-EX-47:

But Beleg and Gwindor cut the bonds that held him. NA-EX- 47<editorial bridge But the Lay tells that

I also think that it's awkward to begin two sentences in a row with "But". Maybe:

But though Beleg and Gwindor cut the bonds that held him NA-EX- 47<editorial bridge the Lay tells that

NA-RG-21:

and NA-RG-21{Flinding}[Gwindor] go-{Fuilin}[Guilin] the feet claspéd

Again, I think there's a problem with "go-" in addition to the alliterative problem. All that I can think of at the moment is:

and NA-RG-21faithful{Flinding}[Gwindor] {go-Fuilin} the feet claspéd

NA-RG-23.5:

and the names of knives and NA-RG-23.5{Gnomish}[Elvish] blades

This leaves a non-alliterating line. Maybe:

and the names of NA-RG-23.5 Elvish knives and {Gnomish} blades

he uttered o'er it: even Ogbar's spear
and the glaive of Gaurin whose gleaming stroke
did rive the rocks of Rodrim's hall;
the sword of Saithnar, and the silver blades
of the enchanted children of chains forged
in their deep dungeon; the dirk of Nargil,
the knife of the North in Nogrod smithied;
the sweeping sickle of the slashing tempest,
the lambent lightning's leaping falchion
even Celeg Aithorn that shall cleave the world.

This passage needs some thought. These names, of course, do not appear again. That certainly does not mean that they must be excised, and I certainly see the temptation to keep them. But I wonder about the Elvish.

NA-RG-24:

ere NA-RG-24{Flinding}[Gwindor] knew what fared that night,

I may be wrong, but I don't think that X A X A lines are allowed (A being alliterating stresses and X non-alliterating). I suppose we could do:

ere NA-RG-24{Flinding}[Gwindor] knew what {fared} that night fared,

I think that this kind of line (X A A X) is permissible. Again, though, I may be wrong.