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All I can do is suggest.
First, you've introduced new characters that we don't know from Hurin. Scrap them and bring in someone whose name and history we recognize. The hands of the king are healing hands: the line of Elendil is royal, and should have been the line through which the crown of Numenor passed, except for a usurpation; so, Elendil could be the attempted healer. We know who he is. If his healing attempt fails, that's greater drama.
Kat needs to speak, needs to have a last moment with her parents, a time to bid farewell and speak of the hope to be reunited beyond the walls of the Arda.
Slow it down. Let it breathe. Give it more space. It feels rushed. Narrated. Told rather than shown. Describe what's happening rather than say it. Use the reader's senses.
What are the emotions behind the tears? You have to try to bring Inzillomi into this, and Mabalar as well. Go ahead and write for Mabalar too. I think you have a good enough idea what he would think and feel and do. Give it a shot. I think you can imagine it and turn into something real. And yes, it may make a change in you to write it, too.
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