The first in an occasional series - starting, naturally, with
Group A.
Old Forest
Player Coach: Tom Bombadil
Key Players: Tom Bombadil aka the Master (capt, striker), Goldberry (striker), The Barrow-Wight (defender), Old Man Willow (goalkeeper)
The Old Forest’s player coach is as old as the hills themselves and played in the inaugural championship, long before the original Dark Lord first pulled on an Angbad team shirt. Known simply as “the Master”, he was the first winner of the “Yellow Boots” trophy for most prolific scorer in the competition, and it was in his honour that the trophy was named. But, despite being the Eldest, he has most certainly not hung up those yellow boots yet. He is as fit and nimble as ever. As his strike partner Goldberry says: “Tom just never stops going in a match. He just is”. Goldberry herself is as skilled in her control of the ball as she is in her control of the weather, although she is generally considered to be best suited to wet conditions.
The Barrow-Wight (no, not
that one) is a defender who can strike fear into the most courageous opposition and his ferocious tackles have been known to chill opposing players to the bone. Many an attacking striker has been manhandled ruthlessly by the Wight into one of his barrows, never to emerge.
Other than these outstanding players, however, there is little talent to speak of in this team and the remaining members of the squad tend to be somewhat static, reacting slowly to the game and often, therefore, being caught out of position. Even their talented goalkeeper, Old Man Willow, can sometimes be caught standing immobile in his goalmouth while a well-struck shot whistles past his branches.
Saucepan’s verdict: It would be nice to see the team go all the way, if only to see the Master enjoy a last hurrah. But with a lack of pace and quality in key positions, they are unlikely to go far.
Mordor
Coach: Morgoth
Key Players: Dark Lord (capt, striker), The Witch King (striker), Gothmog (attacking midfielder), Khamul (central defender), The Mouth of Sauron (goalkeeper)
Mordor has provoked one of the great controversies of the competition, having chosen as their coach the player/coach of the Angbad team. Speculation is rife as to what will be the outcome should these two teams meet in the competition which, given the strength of each squad, is fairly likely. There is also a rumour (unconfirmed) that their captain, the Dark Lord, is moonlighting as the captain of the Taur-im-Gaurhoth team. One thing is for sure. Nothing should be taken for granted with the Mordor team. They are all capable of employing the lowest of tactics to win.
While the Dark Lord himself is a prolific scorer, his skill lies in manipulating the ball by the force of his will. Being, when all is said and done, merely a large fiery eye (
), he lacks the strength to hold the ball up and is prone to giving away possession in critical areas. Also, while he is a formidable captain, his first instinct is attack and he can often overlook defensive needs. Thus, his team often falls victim to diversionary tactics, allowing small agile players to sneak through with the ball and score. This may prove to be fatal should Mordor come up against a team like The Shire. However, he is ably supported in attack by the ruthless efficiency of the Witch King and the sheer brute strength of Gothmog (whose nature remain obscure).
The remainder of the first choice team is well-disciplined, being submissive to the will of their captain, although it is often said that their goalkeeper’s reputation is built on bluff and that he might well crumble when truly tested. Nevertheless, his alertness is amply supplemented by the strategic placement of Silent Watchers on either side of the goal mouth.
Saucepan’s verdict: While the team looks good on paper, it seriously lacks strength in depth. Other than the first choice players, the squad consists almost entirely of orcs, ill-disciplined at the best of times, and trolls, whose natural strength is counterbalanced by their compete inability to read a game. A few injuries or red cards (likely, given their tendency to employ underhand tactics) could spell disaster for this team.
Moria
Coach: Durin the Deathless
Key Players: Azog (striker), Balin (joint capt; midfielder), Bill the Balrog aka Durin’s Bane (joint capt; central defender), The Watcher in the Water (goalkeeper)
The media has already commented on the inherent racial tension in this team, consequent upon the coach’s decision to choose the best talent from the orcish, dwarvish and Balrog communities of Moria. Durin the Deathless, has attempted to address this issue by appointing Balin and Bill the Balrog as joint captains, but this has only served to mask the underlying problems and it looks like Bill could well live up to his title of Durin’s Bane as the competition progresses.
Azog is surprisingly well-disciplined for an orc, and a talented striker. But he is often hampered by his dwarvish team-mates’ reluctance to pass the ball to him. This, of course, is hardly suprising, given that Azog started out his career playing dwarf-ball in the back streets of Moria, an orcish variation of the game in which a severed dwarvish head is used instead of a football. Dynamic midfielder and joint captain, Balin, has managed to rise above this, but has as yet failed to instil the same team spirit in his fellow dwarves.
Saucepan’s verdict: Despite the barely concealed hatred between certain of its squad members, this team cannot be discounted. With the imposing Balrog Bill in central defence, spreading his shadow from one wing of the pitch to the other, and the talented and multi-tentacled Watcher in goal, they do not give away many goals.
Rohan
Coach: Eorl the Young
Key Players: Theoden (striker, capt), Eowyn aka Dernhelm (striker), Eomer (attacking midfielder), Elfhelm (midfielder), Wormtongue (winger), Erkenbrand (central defender), Gamling (central defender), Hama (goalkeeper)
Coach Eorl has mustered a tight and disciplined team in Rohan, well captained by the veteran striker Theoden. He, in turn, is ably assisted by Eowyn, who has a natural talent for unexpectedly appearing in great attacking positions and turning the tide with a well-placed shot. Eomer and Elfhelm contribute to a good attacking midfield, while the doughty Erkenbrand and Gamling provide a solid defence. One noted weakness, however, is their tendency to defend in the Deep, and they can be vulnerable when the opposing team gets players forward in numbers. Nevertheless, Hama “the Doorwarden” is a capable goalkeeper, known for his tenacity in refusing entry to even the most forceful of visitors to his goalmouth.
The team’s major vulnerability is the winger, Grima Wormtongue. Known for bad mouthing his team mates and with little talent at his disposal, questions have been asked how he earned his place in the team. It is rumoured that he has an unnatural hold over the captain and that his loyalties in fact lie elsewhere. Nevertheless, he can be a slippery customer and, despite his lack of strength and pace, has an ability to talk himself into dangerously influential positions.
Saucepan’s verdict: If they can make sure that Wormtongue is kept tightly under control, this team could be the surprise of the competition. When they are relieved of the need to concentrate on defending, they can certainly ride forth with great speed, sweeping all opposition before them. In any event, an attack-minded team that is exciting to watch.
Saucepan’s verdict on the Group: Despite Tom’s skill and verve, the Old Forest’s static mode of overall play means that they are unlikely to emerge from this group to progress further. And Moria, despite their miserly defence, will not be able to rise above inter-team disputes to make much headway. I see Rohan, with their exciting attacking line-up, scoring enough goals secure them second place in the group, with the formidable Mordor topping the table. Mordor, however, are unlikely to progress much further as their team becomes increasingly weakened through injury and sendings off, since they lack the necessary strength in depth.