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I like the way that Tolkien leaves it open to us to decide how much his mind has been affected either by grief or by using the Palantir. I find that as I have got older, I have grown to understand Denethor much better and rather than seeing him as simply a 'bad guy' for his madness, I understand how he came to that point, burdened by grief that he could not reconcile, and along the way hurting not just his younger son but his people.~Lalwende
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I understand what you're saying, however I think it's got a lot to do with what
Lush is saying and having to overcome that. Theoden is in the same situation as Denethor is, yet Theoden is able to overcome his grief.
Theoden lost his wife. Lost his only son. His kingdom is on the verge of destruction. Then after he's victorious he learns he has to hastily ride to Gondor's call.
Though I may sympathize for Denethor (because I certainly don't think he's the bad guy he's made out to be and is one of the most misunderstood characters in Tolkien), it comes down to he was corrupted, he wasn't through and through a "nice" guy. Tolkien didn't have a nice picture in mind for Denethor, noting that he became corrupted by politics and in many cases compared him to Saruman. That may be because of all this thrust upon him. However, Theoden is faced with the exact same dilemmas and was able to triumph.
So, while Denethor is faced with a lot of grief, he was unable to overcome it like Theoden was able to.