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A great post, Saucy! For some reason, portions of it seemed familiar somehow... deja vú, I guess! Much fun to read - and you even used "patchwork" in it! As to the last sentence, now that needs a week's answer, or none. I'll do my best to post soon.
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'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth.. .'
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