[Celuien]

A lime-green PT Cruiser came careening around a corner, closely followed by a tailgating BBC van.

Bert's kamura bounced. "Careful, now," he protested. "You're ruining the shot. And where are you going?"

"Oh, hush," came the peevish reply. "If you must know, I'm looking for the Wally Market." Panakeia needed to buy some Pearie Ockside Potion - she had no intention of remaining in front of the kamuras with green hair. At the same time, she did not want to be seen making her purchase. She would have to escape Bert, at least for a few moments.

"But why?"

"None of your business," came the short reply.

Bert laughed, a rumbling sound from deep in his throat. "This is reality TV. Everything is our business. Why don't you tell us a little more about yourself?"

Panakeia seized her chance. She wasn't about to give up any information about herself, not just yet, at least, but she wasn't going to miss the opportunity to make a free infomercial. On she went about her highly effective line of health and beauty products. "Best sellers from back home in Harad all the way to, well, just about everywhere." She tried her best to flash a dazzling smile at the camera.

"And you use them yourself, naturally."

"Of course. They're what keep me looking the way I do." Recalling that she was currently in an orcish form, Panakeia realized this might not be the best time to demonstrate the efficacy of her wares. "Well, not like this. The way I look when I'm not an orc. Maybe we should continue this conversation outside." She fell silent.

Then, just ahead in the deepening mist, she saw it. A particularly plain, gray, box-like building, even by Mordorian standards, loomed ahead. Panakeia slammed her foot down on the brake and cut her wheel to the left. The bald tires whined as she slid into the parking lot and stopped. It's getting a bit slippery around out, she thought. She hurried out. "Well, here we are," she announced. Bert started out of the car. "No, you wait here. I'll be right back."

Bert shook his head and tapped the kamura. "Where you go, kamura goes."

"Look, it's not all that interesting. I just need to pick something up. Won't be but a moment."

"Kamura goes with you." Bert was determined.

Panakeia shrugged. "Suit yourself. But this needs to be a quick stop. You'll have to keep up." And with that she set off at full speed to the Wally Market, leaving the slower moving Bert huffing and puffing several paces behind her.

Heads turned in Panakeia's direction as she entered the Wally Market. Catching sight of her reflection in a mirror, she noticed that she still partially in orc form. Two fingers on each hand were now clawed, though shrinking back to their normal size. Her skin retained its green-gray hue, and her teeth were still yellowed and uneven. She approached a smiling greeter. "Health and Beauty. Which way?"

"Just to your left through the clothing section." The greeter stared as Panakeia's transformation completed. What bad manners, staring at me like that, she thought.

Panakeia hurried off, choosing the narrowest possible passage in hopes of further frustrating Bert's efforts to follow her. She would be happy to cooperate with the show, but it was really too embarrassing to be caught buying hair dye. Especially when she was attempting to sell her own competing version.

She reached a counter in the Health and Beauty Section. Bert was still several yards behind, tangled in a rack of discounted clothing. "I'd like a bottle of P.O.P.," she said to a salesman, busily reading a magazine behind the counter.

"P-O-P? Pop? You mean soda," he corrected officiously. "You want the food department, back out front." He gestured in the general direction of the front door and went back to reading his magazine.

"No, not soda, not pop. Why would I come back here for that?"

"Why would you, indeed? I don't know. Now go away. I'm busy."

Panakeia's patience was wearing thin. She knew that Bert would catch up to her soon. "Now, look, you lay-about rascal. I want some P.O.P. Pearie Ockside Potion. And I want it now." She looked over her shoulder anxiously. Bert was still entangled, but he appeared to be making some progress. One leg was now free, and he was working on the other.

"Why didn't you say so in the first place," the salesman cried in an injured tone. "Do I look like a mind-reader? It's right behind you on that shelf. 50 maggots, on special today."

Bert had now escaped the clothes rack. He picked up the kamura and hurried toward Panakeia.

"I'll take a bottle." She grabbed one from the shelf and put it down on the counter along with the 50 maggots. "Please put it in a bag."

"Paper or plastic?"

Bert was at the end on the aisle. "It doesn't matter. Just so you wrap it up. Please hurry." The salesman picked up the bottle with a scowl on his face and tossed it in a paper bag. He threw it down on the counter and stalked off into a back room.

Panakeia picked up her sloppily wrapped package just as Bert came up behind her. "All finished," she called out brightly. "Let's go."