[Kath]

Wasn’t sure if you guys were doing the extended version in here, but I thought I’d pop in and see if I could do a scene anyway. I didn't want to step on Nilp's toes so I've skipped over the Stair and the Osgiliath bit.

Pippin: What were you thinking, Peregrin Took? What service can a Hobbit offer such a great lord of Men?

Faramir: Yes it was a little idiotic. I mean, you couldn’t fight anything but a strangely stunted orc and expect to win. Nevertheless, by the decree of my oh so sane father, you are to join the tower guard.

Pippin: I didn't think they would find any livery that would fit me.

Faramir: They couldn’t. But there is this fake one. It won’t stop any blows from killing you but it looks nice. Belonged to a very foolish boy. . .

Pippin: Oh it was yours was it?

Faramir: Yes, it was mi . . . wait how did you know? I didn’t finish the story!

[Pippin shrugs]

Pippin: And I’ll bet your father had it made for you too. Well, I'm taller than you were then. Though, I'm not likely to grow anymore, except sideways, though not as much as you have since then.

[They laugh, Faramir a little self consciously]

Faramir: Never fitted me either. Boromir was always the soldier. They were so alike, he and my father. Proud, stubborn even. But strong.

Pippin: I think you have strength of a different kind. *whispers to himself (I wonder if he bought that!)*

[Pippin kneels before Denethor in the citadel. Faramir waits hopping from foot to foot, desperate to find a bathroom.]

Pippin: Here do I swear fealty and service to Gondor. In peace or war, in living or dying, from...

[Gandalf whispers the next words out of the corner of his mouth and then whistles innocently]

From this hour henceforth, until my lord release me, or death take me.

[Denethor rises, smiling, and approaches Pippin. Smelling the remarkable odour that seems to follow Denethor around, Pippin began to wish death would take him right then.]

Denethor: And I shall not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given. You will have cream cakes and custard pies in abundance!

[Denethor holds his ring to be kissed. Pippin kisses it while trying to hold his breath.]

Denethor: Fealty with chocolate, valour with apple crumble, [He looks at Faramir] disloyalty with spinach.

[Faramir shudders.]

[Denethor sits to eat.]

Denethor: I do not think we should so lightly abandon the outer defences, defences that your brother long held intact you lazy toerag.

Faramir: What would you have me do, oh subtle comparer?

Denethor: I will not yield thurriveranPelennor unfought. Osgiliath must be retaken

Faramir: Uh, well, I don’t know about the first place, but Osgiliath is overrun.

Denethor: My words are perfectly clear! If you do not understand them then why did you become a translator?

Faramir: I didn’t become a . . .

Denethor: Never mind! Much must be risked in war. Is there a captain here who still has the creme brulee – I mean the courage to do his lord's will?

Faramir: You wish now that our places had been exchanged. That I had died and
Boromir had lived.

Denethor: Yes, I wish that. He wouldn’t have lost me that ice cream factory.

[Faramir bursts into tears and runs from the hall shouting as he goes]

Faramir: It’s so unfair! Boromir always got to do everything first! And now he’s dead and I’m stuck with you, and you know what? You smell!

Denethor: Oh the pain, the pain! What will I do! *Shouting* I’m king you idiot! I can smell however I want!

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Yes ok I know that was useless, but at least I had a go right?