The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - View Single Post

Child of the 7th Age · 06-30-2002, 04:00 PM

Small hobbit digs in toes and refuses to budge......

Lush -- part of what you say makes me weep. It sounds worse out there than I had imagined.

Littlemanpoet --

My closest friends have always been women (except for my husband, of course), but I have had some male friends in the course of my life. These weren't my very closest friends, but they were friends. Usually, these grew out of a shared situation, a common problem, or even a common goal. For example, you both have a boss whom you can't stand and, out of that, discussion grows. Or, I am especially thinking of graduate school, where I was virtually the only woman in the doctoral program way back when. I had to be friends with men. And, in that situation, where we were all slaving away (and I mean really killing ourselves with work!), there were very few underlying tones of anything else.

Plus, there are friendships that arise after you are actually a "couple". My husband, for example, has, over the years, become friends with my college roomate, Julie. Overall, Julie is closer to me than to him, but she and my husband do enjoy sharing certain interests which are less central to me. The two of them love, for example, to discuss politics at length which leaves me stone cold, but that is great for them!

So, I don't agree with Master Tolkien here.

And I think you can depict male/female friendships in the context of fantasy writing. But it is possible that, since I'm younger than both of you, I'm also speaking here out of the experience of an older age (But not as old as Tolkien!)when, for better or worse, there were fewer assumptions made about the inherent physical nature of any male/female relationship.

About relationships on-line, they are amazing and unique--not just about gender but also about differences in social class, ethnicity, age, education, etc.

sharon, the 7th age hobbit

06-30-2002, 04:00 PM	#35
Child of the 7th Age Spirit of the Lonely Star Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 5,133	Small hobbit digs in toes and refuses to budge...... Lush -- part of what you say makes me weep. It sounds worse out there than I had imagined. Littlemanpoet -- My closest friends have always been women (except for my husband, of course), but I have had some male friends in the course of my life. These weren't my very closest friends, but they were friends. Usually, these grew out of a shared situation, a common problem, or even a common goal. For example, you both have a boss whom you can't stand and, out of that, discussion grows. Or, I am especially thinking of graduate school, where I was virtually the only woman in the doctoral program way back when. I had to be friends with men. And, in that situation, where we were all slaving away (and I mean really killing ourselves with work!), there were very few underlying tones of anything else. Plus, there are friendships that arise after you are actually a "couple". My husband, for example, has, over the years, become friends with my college roomate, Julie. Overall, Julie is closer to me than to him, but she and my husband do enjoy sharing certain interests which are less central to me. The two of them love, for example, to discuss politics at length which leaves me stone cold, but that is great for them! So, I don't agree with Master Tolkien here. And I think you can depict male/female friendships in the context of fantasy writing. But it is possible that, since I'm younger than both of you, I'm also speaking here out of the experience of an older age (But not as old as Tolkien!)when, for better or worse, there were fewer assumptions made about the inherent physical nature of any male/female relationship. About relationships on-line, they are amazing and unique--not just about gender but also about differences in social class, ethnicity, age, education, etc. sharon, the 7th age hobbit __________________ Multitasking women are never too busy to vote.