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but was it lack of confidence, or his (justifiable) imposition of his values onto the world he created?
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A little bit of both, I believe. That, and his goal to create a traditional fairy-tale, where the Lady is mostly an emotionally-inaccessible object of desire and/or admiratin. In his letters he, himself, admits that women's reality is a much, much different game (not that we're any less fun, of course).