I assign my biased AP American Government textbook. It tells us foolish things such as that the causes of the American Revolution were entirely idealogical and not economic. Yeah. Because the Founding Fathers and Patriots woke up one day and said,
American 1: "Gosh, we're so rich and peachy keen and life is pretty good, but we're just a bunch of colonies, which bites."
American 2: "Now I feel a pout coming on. Hey, let's annoy the heck out of the most powerful nation in the world."
American 3: "But how are we going to do that?"
American 2: "Well, we could not buy stuff."
American 1: "And chuck a load of tea in the harbor."
American 3: "Can I wear this Indian costume I bought for last Halloween?"
Americans 1 & 2: "Sure!"
American 3: "Sa-weet!"
Additionally, it contains the following sentence: "Political candidacies, like people, are not the products of a virgin birth." What. The. Fork. Perhaps I should write an irate letter demanding that in the next edition they include a footnote that says, "except for Jesus".
Thirdly, they made a special "Post 9/11 Edition" which some people in my class have. It declares itself to be this edition right on the cover with a cloudburst or star or something, which I think is pretty tasteless.
Meet my friend Nicole, who clearly doesn't like the textbook either.
So off to Mordor with you, textbook -- nay, straight into Mount Doom to BURN.