Announcer: And we’re back with MET’s continuing coverage of The Hobbit Survivor, brought to you by Ghâshwater, “It puts a fire in your belly!” Right now Smaug has charged out to a commanding lead. This has turned out to be exactly like most other overhyped advertising traps, a total bore. The ratings are plunging like Lord Denethor’s poll numbers. Not even Amanda flouncing around the sidelines in a g-string has helped. In fact, it has made things worse because H.A.G. is now absolutely livid. Lawsuits are pending and the producers are passed out cold on the floor. What’s your take on the situation Bob?
Color Commentator: Well, Cliff, it is exactly as Kuruharan the Visionary had foreseen. Smaug’s lobby has revealed themselves and the angry and bitter among the electorate have fallen back on him as the least objectionable candidate, mainly because he was so little discussed earlier. Kuruharan the Seer is currently preparing his Insufferable Gloating Speech to taunt certain individuals who have
again performed exactly has he expected them to. However, he does think it a bit odd that mormegil of all people should be faulting others for being “predictable” as today is the first time he has done anything the least bit unexpected.
Announcer: Now Bob, aren’t you still having to make payments on that court settlement from the last time you criticized one of the voters?
Color Commentator: Uhhh…yes. And I’d like to again take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom (hold the cue card up higher, I can’t read it) of my heart. I’d had a lot to drink that night and should never have gotten behind the wheel…oops, wrong embarrassing incident!
Announcer: Never mind. Let’s go down to the sidelines with Amanda.
Sideline Reporter:
dancing
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to…
Ahem…sorry…I just have a report here from…uhhh, Cliff, what are you doing down here out of the booth?
Announcer: Well, I said I was coming down to the sidelines to join you.
Sideline Reporter: Uhh…that’s great. Would you please go to the other side of the field. Anyway, as I was saying, I have a report here on the voting status of Kuruharan the Predictor. His Excellency is not planning to vote unless it gets close and he can cause mischief. If the voting gets close he will consider. However, at the moment that does not look likely. Bob?
Color Commentator: (At last, he’s gone! The booth is mine! MINE!!) Sorry folks, I just had to get that out. One might think that Smaug’s position is unassailable. However, there is one possibility. Smaug’s position may be so commanding that it will breed resentment among subsequent voters and start a flood of votes against him. If that happens it could turn out to be an exciting finish after all. Cliff?
Announcer: I know a tiki place the two of us could slip off to as soon as this silliness is over.
Sideline Reporter: Get away from me you creep!!!
Announcer: Don’t be silly, this is love. And even if it isn’t, I still have enough money to take you to the
Glitzy Caverns of Ham Steep for a
veeery long time.
Sideline Reporter: Bob!!! Do something!!!
Color Commentator: We’ll be right back. (Lugdush, get me one ticket for whatever suite in the Glitzy Caverns happens to be next to the Honeymoon Suite!!)