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I wish Tom Bombadill had a large collection of wigs that he showed to everyone he met.
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Oh...okay!
Bombadil was so excited about his wig collection, that he enlisted Goldberry as his lovely model, and toured ME in a wagon (painted purple). His proudest sale was a wig based on the luscious locks of Galadrilyn Monroe to Saruman himself, who wore it every day. He looked so ridiculous his orcs deserted him to form a travelling circus and comedy troupe (as they'd always wanted to), and most of the War of the Rings involved waiting around for Frodo to finish up so life wouldn't be so BORING!
I wish the orcs were all armed with...BANANAS! (Do you know what to do when an orc attacks you with a banana?)