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The ability to govern their own affairs isn't so much related to the Elves refusing the Valar's summons as to an intrinsic gift from Eru. In fact, I think that the more vulnerable races were actually the ones given more freedom of choice..... that the more choice available, the less willing the Valar might be to intervene, since they would be less sure of Eru's plans, though I'm not sure I can back this up textually.
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Keep in mind also the theme of the downward cycle of direct diety/angelic involvement in ME, which parallels the rise of the dominance of men, who are outside of the music. Or, at least, not bound with the same fate as others within the music. The Vala arent perfect either, leaving a lot of loose ends unnoticed or unattended at the end of the 1st age. Sauron being the biggest oversight. Talk about unattended...even if Sauron was truly repentant, it does seem like a lackadaisical approached by the higher powers towards Sauron. And the wreck of Beleriand, much like Numenor, created a causality that resulted in a plateau, or a high water mark of direct involvement. Or was Numenor an added extension of a (although well intentioned) bad policy? Was it a gift, or did the Vala just feel guilty about the whole mess?
For one moment in time, Eru was involved very much with Sauron and with men, with the result of the drowning of a continent that was populated by thousands if not millions. I do wonder if the sinking of Numenor would have happened if Sauron was not physically on the island. Did that happen because of Sauron being there, or was that island doomed as soon as the Ar-Pharazon stepped foot upon the blessed shore?