[Nogrod]

The forward group had left, and slowly the slower ones got on the move also. The air was crisp, but not so moist as it had been yesterday. Cool day, predicting a winter coming in. Leod had given Sythric another dose of his potion, and he felt the warmth of it still clearly in his body. Sythric looked around. Ragged band of injured patients! What an impression we will give out at the Kings hall!, he thought, but then saw Brand riding in the front of the party. He‘s having tough times too... Maybe I should? He spurred Thydrë to take on Brand and Lady. Brand noted Sythric coming to his side and nodded to him.

“You could make a good rider, master Brand! You did very well yesterday”, Sythric said to him, getting his attention. “You were very brave indeed.” Brand seemed to nod in appreciation of Sythric’s appraisal, but he wasn’t sure, what Brand thought of it in the end. For a while they rode in silence.

“Brand? I know you are carrying some grave thoughts with you. I don’t know how numerous they are, but I just thought, that I could try to help you out with one of them...” He looked at Brand, who turned his face towards him, waiting for him to continue. At the same time, Sythric was thinking fervently, how to put his words in the right way.

“Well... Killing a man is not easy. I mean, it might be “easy” in a fight, when you just act on your instincts, just going about like a beast defending yourself. And in this sense, some enemies are easier to kill than the others.” He made a small pause, gazing forwards, just to see the last scout, Athwen? to leave his field of vision.

“But there is another kind of bravery, that is required after the battle” he said, looking at Brand again. “I have killed seven men before yesterday – I do not keep a count of the orcs. So it seems to be nine now... my tally, I mean...” He went quiet again for a while, but then continued: “But believe it or not, I can remember all of them, quite clearly indeed. I remember, how they died. Of most of them, I also remember, how they looked, how they were, as they realized that they were dying... A dying man, the one suddenly realizing to die... You can see that in his eyes. And those eyes have haunted me ever since. Those last sights of someone dying by your hand will follow you too. They will penetrate your dreams, they will just pop up unexpectedly in between your everyday hassle. They will not let you to choose the hour of their arrival: they just come and go. They will be a part of you, whether you want it or not.”

Sythric looked at Brand carefully. His expression did not reveal any agitation or disturbance, but still Sythric believed, there was a storm inside. He decided to press his point to the end, before asking Brand about his feelings. “You probably met them last night? I have always seen those eyes the night after a fight. I did so last night too, in the middle of the fever I got through. I’m sorry to say this, but they will not leave you. You may forget a casual acquaintance, but you will never forget a person you have killed.” He paused for a moment, just looking around him. The party was moving along quite fast, being the “slow party”, but still its speed was far from what it could have been. Sythric cursed his wound – and felt it again! It was so painful. For a moment Sythric just saw blackness, and bright stars going around the darkness. In the end he managed to control himself, and addressed Brand once more.

“That’s something you just have to accept, my friend. By taking someone’s life, you kind of take him with you, to yourself. The more you try to fight it, the more those you’ve killed will haunt you. And in a way, that’s just right. It makes you ask the real questions: how do I live my life? Why am I alive and not him? He might have helped a poor man in his need, so what shall I do? He could have loved his near relations, but how do I treat mine? And so on...”.

Sythric took a swift gaze to Brand, and then spelled out his last thought on the matter. “Just as an advice from someone who has had to deal with these matters already. On the desperate hour, try to think of the situation the opposite way: how would things have gone if you were dead, and your adversary would continue living. What would be the balance of good and evil then? Do your best in your life, to make it so hard as possible to that fiend to raise any believable competition on that balance!”

Then the pain came again. Sythric was not sure, for a moment, if Brand had said something or not. And what was even more worrysome, the pain had spread to his hips too. Suddenly he felt quite numb. He made a fast corrective and balancing move to stay on the saddle, waiting for Brand to come forwards.