[Mithalwen]

How long had it been since she had been kissed like that? wondered Elfride as she turned her back on the pair. The memory hit her hard enough to turn her giggle into a quiet cry of distress.

Three long years ago and in that very spot, Theomund had kissed her goodbye in the darkness before dawn. Their last kiss as passionate as their first but more tender and less tentative. A final embrace for her and their sleepy and sorrowful children, then to horse. Then a quick squeeze of her hand, a whispered word and a last glimpse of his lean handsome face in the lantern light as he had turned Leif and ridden away never to return.

Elfride became aware of hot tears starting to stream down her face. She could not face the company like this - neither those in the first hours of love or the soldiers in the first hours of a campaign. Until Hama arrived she was the eldest, they would look to her for leadership she could not give. Why was she crying now, so long after? A soldier's wife lives with the prospect of widowhood, accepts it as part of the price of loving a valiant rider of Rohan. It was the life she was born to; raised to be brave, be strong for those who depended on you to keep things going at home until they returned. And now she had filled her house with strangers so she wouldn't be alone and ...it hadn't worked. Her isolation crushed her.

Turning not to the great hall but to the kitchen she quietly unlocked the door that led to the walled garden and slipping the big heavy key to the garden gate into her pocket, passed through into the garden. The moon had risen and illuminated the path quite clearly, Elfride chose however to walk on the grass alongside, not that anyone would hear the crunch of her boots on gravel, those in the Great Hall were too far and too self absorbed.

She opened the gate as quietly as she could and was on the path she had ridden barely an hour before. Before on one side her lay the woods that led to the track and the main road, to the other lay the orchard and the little paddock they used to turn out horses that would be needed at short notice, it was also where they had taught their children to ride.

Chiding herself for wallowing in memory she went and stood leaning against the fence. She remembered standing here, her arms protectively around her three-year old daughter lest she fall from her perch on the fence, as Elfthain demonstrated his skill to his parents - his father especially - by riding over a series of little fences he had built there.

"Daddy - you aren't watching!" Elfthain realised that only Tilly, whose absolute hero he was, was giving him full attention. His father was nuzzling his mother's neck, making her promises Elfthain could not hear, of returning soon to raise horses and as many children as his lady wished for. Later they had all ridden round the estate returning as the sun set on their last day as a family, then a brief night and those last goodbyes.

Elfride let her tears fall freely. She would get it out of her system and tidy herself up in the kitchen before she rejoined the group. In the event she was missed she would say she had things to prepare for the journey - which was true though not the truth. So absorbed in memory was she that the hoofbeats she heard she thought were remembrance, the tall blonde soldier suddenly at her side could have been Theomund - but it wasn't, it was someone she had known even longer and his voice recalled her to the present.

"Elfride, what is the matter, what are you doing out here?" , Hama's voice was softer than usual. As she turned he saw her face clearly in the moonlight and understood.

Elfride raised her hand to her face in a gesture that refused comfort. Mastering her emotion she said "I think it will do me good to be away from here a while. I take it the King allowed your petition? " she added changing the subject.

Hama nodded "He has agreed to extend my leave of absence - that is the official line, this is not quite the usual method of dealing with wrongdoing - but these are not usual circumstances and will allow for greater discretion. I think your presence on the expedition sealed the matter". he added.

"Mine?" said Elfride mystified.... "Why should that make any difference?"

"Because Theomund died in his defence, he feels a special responsibility for you I think ... I may be wrong .. it was just an impression I got." answered Hama.

"So he sent you to look after me .... I don't need looking after" Elfride bristled slightly though she was aware that her tearstained face belied her words.

"I know, you told me that when you were six" replied Hama drily.

Elfride laughed and this memory drove out the others for a while. "I am glad you are coming with us - take your horse round to the yard. I will cut back to the house through the garden and meet you there - then we can really start to get ready". She smiled and they parted. A splash of water to cool her face from the pump at the kitchen door and noone need be any the wiser.