[The Saucepan Man]

Ahoy, me hearties!

Never fear, for Rear-Admiral Horatio Potboiler, naval commander etxraordinaire (retired) is here, what ho? What this ship needs is a cove with solid maritime experience to steer us home afore sunset. And you need look no further than this humble servant of the seaways. I'll have this vessel ship-shape and Bristol fashion in short order and we'll be back on dry land afore ye can shiver a timber. There'll be no more Werewolf attacks while I'm in charge.

*HONK! Dishonourable discharge! Dishonourable discharge! HONK!*

Ah now, don't ye mind Goosey Gander thar on me shoulder. He waddled into a court martial once and picked up a few lines that he's been a'repeating ever since.

*HONK! Drunk in charge of the flagship! Dishonourable discharge! HONK!

See what I mean. Utter nonsense! It's common knoweldge that I retired with full naval honours. Dishonourable discharge indeed!

*HONK! Lost at sea! Lost at sea! HONK!*

Complete gibberish. Never been lost at sea in me life. And I don't intend to start now. Just place yourselves under my command and I'll have you all back to port in time for tea. Cow pasties all round at Mrs Miggins Pie-shop and a measure of rum for all who pitch in.

*HONK! Mutiny! Mutiny! Sir Horatio cast adrift in the dinghy! Crew and vessel unaccounted for! Dishonourable discharge! HONK!*

Hehe! I really don't know where he gets this stuff from. Pure fantasy! Now, muster yer slaves, Mr Of the Rohirrim. There's mainsails to be hoisted and rigging to be climbed. Come, Mister Gurthang, Mister Mormegil and young Master Glirdan. We have work to do. Sir Anguirel, you take charge of the oriental ninja-types, the shady cove and the stowaway. Lock them in the brig, for I don't trust them one jot. And ladies, stow yerselves below decks. This be man's work.

*HONK! He's a Wolf! He's a Wolf! HO...[choke]!*

Desist, Mr Gander! You go too far. Let that be a lesson to you.

Now, get to work, me hearties. If you need me, I'll be in the Captain's Cabin studying the charts.