Elempi, corrections in my post are made.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to ask you to change one thing in yours. I don't think that Thornden would have to shout his order. It's not very much like him to shout. You could put- "Quite!" Thornden commanded. Or something that would imply he said it in a louder than normal voice and possibly in a dominating sort of way (that is what you wanted to imply, right?).
The post looked good. Great job wading through all of the debate posted here and coming out with that.
-- Folwren