Some bad ideas whose time has come
Or we could go old, old, incredibly old-school.
Charlie Chaplin as Glorfindel
Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy as Legolas and Gimli
Harold Lloyd as Aragorn
Greta Garbo as Shelob
Fatty Arbuckle as Aragorn
Groucho Marx as Gandalf (naturally with Chico as Saruman and Harpo as Radagast)
The Three Stooges as Denethor, Boromir and Faramir
Sir Lawrence Olivier as Gollum.
Marlene Dietrich as Ioreth
Randolph Scott as Frodo
Or we could do Carry on Follow that Ring
Sid James as Aragorn
Joan Sims as Arwen
Barbara Windsor as Eowyn
Kenneth Connor as Gandalf
Kenneth Williams as Saruman
Hattie Jaques as Galadriel
Charles Hawtrey as Celeborn
Bernard Bresslaw as Frodo
Peter Butterworth as Merry
Terry Scott as Pippin
Phil Silvers as Denethor
Naturally the music would need to match the cast. The overall theme could be an instrumental of the theme music from Chitty-chitty Bang Bang played on a kazoo. For the first sight of the Shire, we could have Strauss' Also Sprach Zarathustra from 2001: a space odyssey; Lothlorien would be seen to the strains of the Imperial March from Star Wars, and the entry into Bree would be accompanied by The Dance of the Knights from Prokoviev's Romeo and Juliet. Gandalf would confront the Witch-king at Minas Tirith to the theme music from Roobarb and Aragorn's leitmotif would be a hornpipe played on a tin whistle. For the Mordor scenes, to lighten the mood, a quartet of trombones could play The Teddy-Bears' Picnic. Naturally the swelling chords of Singin' in the Rain would augment the atmosphere at the Field of Cormallen.
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Man kenuva métim' andúne?
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