[Oddwen]

Two months later, Oddwen enters...ah, you know the drill.

Dang...it's been too long. I don't even remember the order of of the original script. 0_o; And I was watching FotR today (at my Dad's behest, I had naught to do with it), and I was remembering scenes from the book and wondering why they were missing in the extended edition...sheesh. Time to re-read.

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Scene: Uh, lemme check...the road to the Dimholt.

(Dwarf, Ranger and Elf are on two horses riding towards the Door through the mountain.)

Aragorn: I can't help but think I should have a host of my kin at my side...

Legolas: War marches on their borders as well.

Gimli: Th-this is spooky. So tell me Aragorn, because half the audience needs some backstory, why does an army linger in such a place?

Legolas: The people who used to live here were afraid of wizards. So one day, when it rained and the sun and moon were out at the same time, they tried to burn the two village wizards Palatar and Allando, but they exploded killing everyone within 7.2 miles. They became vengeful spirits waiting for anyone to come through with musical instruments, for a gentle lullaby is the only thing that can give their souls rest.

Aragorn: What?

(Gimli swallows and nonchalantly throws away his lute and tuba)

Aragorn: Uh...no. Actually, the people of these mountains were supposed to fight for Isildur, they didn't, he cursed them, blah-blah-blah, me being the only heir of Isildur left, I'm the only one who can release them from their oath. Not that I've actually accepted my destiny yet, mind.

Legolas: Not the way my mommie told it to me.

(They reach the end of the road and the beginning of the door. The doorway is dark, and stick figures are everywhere.)

Gimli(flapping his arms): Brrr! My very bones are chilled!

Legolas(reading the symbols): "See Jané run. Run run run. See an orc chase Jané. Chase chase chase."

Aragorn: "The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut." Actually, it looks open, so let's go in.

Horses: Neigh! Fear! Run away!

Gimli: Nooo! Take me with youuuuuu!

Mysterious Voice from Within the Cavern: Whoo! Boogie-boogie-boogie!

Another Voice: PEEVES!

Aragorn: I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

(Legolas steps forward so he's firmly in the camera eye and smiles dashingly. With a spring in his step, he follows Aragorn in.)

Gimli: This is a thing unheard of! An elf will go underground and a dwarf dare not! Ooooh, if I don't go in, Aragorn will probably tell the elf he tossed me, ooohhh... *he stamps his feet and runs in as quickly as he can * Hey guys, waiiiiiit for meeeee!!

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Scene: Back in Dunharrow. Merry has just expressed the desire to go fight with Theoden.

Men of Rohan: BAW-HAW-HAW-HAW!!

Merry: No, really!

Theoden(wheezing): We need big strong men to fight, not people who might get underfoot and stab someone behind the knee by mistake. Sorry, Holbytla.

Merry: But I want to kill someone. I...I have to kill someone. I...I NEED to kill someone. *he fingers the strange, otherworldly weapon in his pack as his eye begins to twitch*

Theoden: Little hobbits do not belong in war. They belong in the field, or in the pub, or in the kitchen doing dishes. Or wait, that one's about women. No matter. Women and hobbits can't fight, everyone knows that.

Merry: But all my friends went! I'll be a laughingstock!

Theoden: If your friends all jumped off the Tower of Ecthelion, would you jump too? Besides, we might all die anyway. You have my permission to fight if someone attacks back here. And that's all I have to say about that.

(Merry pouts as the men of Rohan start to ride past. More and more horses stream around him, black and dun and roan and piebald and palomino and stuff, until one of the last riders reaches out and pulls him onto his...I mean her, horse.)

Merry: AGH! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED! AAAAGHH...

Mysterious Young Female Rider: Shut up and ride with me!

Merry: Alright! I get to kill something! WOOO-HOOAAA-HAA-HAA-ow! That hurt, Eowyn.

MYFR: Sorry...I mean who?

Teh End