[The Elf-warrior]

(Cut to the Paths of the Dead and Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn. The ladder is carrying a medal torch. He won it in the Best Enuciator contest in T. A. 3002)

Gimli: "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

Legolas: "If you're seeing the shapes, but necessarily the full reality of men and horses, then yes. I also see with my two Elf eyes pale banners like shredded government documents and spears rising out of the paranormal mists. In short, the Dead are following us. They have been summoned."

Gimli: "Wonderful."

Legolas: "I am glad you think so."

Gimli: "I meant it sarcastically!"

Aragorn: "Look down if you want to be scared insane."

(Gimli looks down and screams in horror when he sees the skulls of the dead. They walk into a giant hall and see a green figure rotten with decay.)

King of the Dead: (Through ventriloquism.) "Who dares to intrude into my domain?"

Aragorn: "One who will have your allegiance."

King of the Dead: "The King of the Dead is in no mood for riddles! Oh, and by the way, the Dead do not suffer the living to pass."

Aragorn: "Tell the King of the Dead that we are but warriors for the working day. Our gayness and our gilt are all besmirched with rainy marches in the painful fields, but by Elbereth, our hearts are in the trim! Anyways, you're going to have to suffer me."

King of the Dead: "Mua, ha, ha, ha!" (The dead come and make a wall of undeadness around Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas.) The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead. And the Dead keep it. The way is shut. Case closed."

Aragorn: "Then how come there's an open passageway into this dismal place? We didn't even have to open a door."

King of the Dead: "It is dangerous to presume to ask questions of the King of the Dead..."

Legolas: "Here he goes using the third person again."

King of the Dead: "And for your crimes of burglary,"

Gimli: "It's not burglary if you walk through a completely open passageway!"

KotD: "Silence! And for your sedition you shall die!"

Gimli: "He doesn't mince words, does he?"

(Legolas shoots an arrow straight through the KoD with little effect.)

Aragorn: "I summon ye to fulfill your oaths, draft-dodgers."

KotD: "Yeah, I suppose you're the King of Gondor. Well, I'm Kodos the Executioner."

(Aragorn draws out Andúril and the KotD draws out his own sword and attacks Aragorn with it. Aragorn stops the KotD's attack and puts his sword to the KotD's throat.)

Kotd: "That line was broken."

Aragorn: "I remember all my lines and furthermore the line has been remade. This statement does not imply that my bloodline was at any time broken. It merely acknowleges that for the longest time my family has not been King. What say you?"

Gimli: "You're wasting your time. If they didn't have any honor in life, how can they have any in death? And besides, they're freaking me out."

Aragorn: "I am Isuldir's heir. Fight for me, and I will deem ye oaths fulfilled."

(The Dead shrug their shoulders.)

Aragorn: "WHAT SAY YOU? You have my word of honour! Fight, and I will de-shade you! WHAT SAY YOU? Will you yield, or guilty in defense be not destroyed?"

Gimli: "Heel, you traitors!"

(The mist clears and the skulls start falling.)

Aragorn: "Gimli, waddle out of here as fast as you can! Legolas, run!"

(They run out as the skulls fall on and around them. Aragorn falls down in despair when he sees the black corsairs. Legolas comforts him. A noise comes out of the cave and Aragorn turns to see the KotD."

KotD: "A day may come when the courage of..."

Aragorn: "Quit stealing my lines. Get to the point."

Kotd: "We fight. We help you kill bad men."
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Next up, the return of the nearly dead Steward's son and the attack on Minas Tirith.