Abstract: Tom Bombadil is Eru!! Now that I have your attention, let me tell you about this article that has nothing to do with that merry fellow, who’s jacket is green and his boots are yellow. The main topic of this article is sexual dimorphism in Ent population, in order to explain the “losing” of the Entwives.
Introduction: It is a well known fact that the Entwives have been lost for many an age. The good ol’ Ents used to go around looking for them, until they got tired and gave up the search. Well, they had the answers right on their faces all the time. Figured it out yet? Well, let me tell you what sexual dimorphism means.
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Originally Posted by Wikipedia, the repository of all knowledge on earth
Sexual dimorphism is the systematic difference in form between individuals of different sex in the same species.
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Indeed, Ents and Entwives are very different from one another. Fangorn does seem to think otherwise, and still holds that Entwives and Ents were fairly similar. Tree-beard they call him… if he could only understand why, much of his troubles would be over!! But, if there is one thing the old Ent is right, is that we should not be hasty.
Now, it is a well known fact that most species develop primary and secondary (or sexual) characteristics. These secondary characteristics are one of the most clear examples of sexual dimorphism, as they are what differentiate males and females of a given species. What very few people know, since I just discovered it, is that Ents also grow
tertiary characteristics. In male Ents (or Ents) these are minimal, but include the darkening of their skin and the thickening of their outer bark.
After much thought and consideration, I can explain to you why female Ents (or Entwives) have been “lost” for so long.
Results and Conclusion:
During my interview with Fangorn a most curious thing happened. When I asked about his beard, he answered something along the lines of:
Hummm hooomm…. Here now, don’t be hasty… Hm ho… if I keep answering all your questions soon I’ll be telling you my real
name. Hmmm ohhh and it went on for quite a while.
When pressed harder, he answered (in a low, quick whisper… a most unusual behaviour for such an un-hasty Ent):
It just appeared all of a sudden. One night I was standing under my favourite waterfall with fair Fimbrethil and the following morning she was gone and this… beard was on me. I have not shaved since, as it reminds me of her
Ladies and Gentlemen, Wight, Nazghul and trapped Hobbits, I have since discovered that… Tree-beard should be called Tree-entwife!. My first suspicions were confirmed when, after interviewing other bearded Ents, all shared a similar story!
Of thirty nine bearded-Ents (BEnt) interviewed, thirty seven BEnt claimed a similar if not identical tale as the one of Fangorn. The Two BEnt that did not, were becoming rather tree-ish and it is possible that they did not even listen to the question being asked.
DNA samples taken from the BEnts and their beards corroborate this assumption further. While the Cytosine + Guanine percentage of both the BEnts and their respective “beards” were almost identical (clearly indicating that they belong to the same species) there was a distinct difference, including the lack of a homologous of Chromosome 25 in BEnts.
So finally, I must conclude, that in spite of all speculation about gardens in The Shire, the Entwives never left Fangorn (Forest). Indeed, they suddenly developed their tertiary characteristics, which seems to resemble well... lichen of some sort.
Fangorn (the BEnt) refuses to answer my palantir-calls after he was informed of my discovery, yet Quickbeam (his lawyer) has informed me that they will be pursuing legal action against me. The Truth must be known! Listen to me my fellow scientists, and let’s all put to rest the impossible theory that a ten-feet (or more) female Ent could possibly be “misplaced”!