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Originally Posted by Thinlómien
I'm sure there was/must be at least one complete patriarchy that wasn't too horrible, but I just can't get what it was.
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I'm not quite sure. Tolkien, I think, shows most of the "good" societies standing on the balance and harmony between the male and female, be it king and queen or something else. We are shown societies where the woman (queen or something like that) is not treated just like something inferior, but uses her abilities to good advice and to step in when the male ruler loses his temper (Thingol for example - not that this always works; but also in the case of Celeborn when he is about to offend Gimli for the dwarves' awakening of balrog). On the other hand, the balance stands on that the women, even if with superior abilities to their male counterparts (also I think it's fine to remember Melian and Galadriel), do not in attempt to seize the power if it was not given to them, even though they'd have the "right" for it because they'd be possibly more fit for the role.
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Originally Posted by The Might
Even Melian could be probably considered a matriarch, Thingol might have been king, but everyone knows who really was the boss in Doriath and who kept it safe.
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I used this quote to compare with what I have just said above. Melian never wanted to be seen as the matriarch - meaning the first ruler - of Doriath. Thingol was the king, all the power and all the right and law was in his hands. But Melian didn't lose anything - I think she has only gained, as well as the mentioned Galadriel. They didn't become downtrodden, they were treated with most respect - on the other hand, for example all the usurper kings of Númenor (Ar-Pharazon being the most significant example I think) ended wrong.
So, in general: Tolkien shows the exclusively patriarchal and/or matriarchal societies in ME as something which is not generally common, and also it's not much, let's say, healthy. This however might accord with the overall concept of power in ME as being the most dangerous thing if misused without control.
I wonder now, what do we assign to the moments, when at the beginning of the War of the Ring the two societies most relied upon by the Free peoples - Gondor and Rohan - both have only a weary male ruler who is broken and has lost his female counterpart... a sign of the old, dying age when the new must come?