Getting back to the point and using the examples I've found (I will have a deeper look into RotK as soon as I can), something emerges. In the Barrack Room Ballad we hear the voice of the ordinary soldier, the one who actually gets out there and does the fighting in the modern world. He gives his respect for the opposing warrior as a fighter, now although we don't really see this from the leaders in LotR, we do see it from the foot soldiers. As shown by Gamling's deeper understanding of the Dunlendings. He recognises them as a people unlike his leader Eomer, he knows their language and what they say in direct contrast to Eomer's blatant and blinded prejudice.
Actually this recalls Tolkien's own role in war as a signals officer. He would have known and understood different methods of communication and language in contrast to his superiors who would not; his role would have been very much like Gamling's, to interpret and ultimately to correct his superiors.
Also from seeing the responses of Sam and Frodo, another two very low ranking individuals without leadership responsibilities, we see that it could indeed be the more 'humble' involved in this war who do show respect to their enemies. That's in contrast to Eomer's derogatory comments and the disrespectful killing games of Legolas and Gimli. I suspect that if we dig down and look at the words and actions of some of the 'foot soldiers' we might see some different responses. Just like it's a couple of Hobbits who 'save' Middle-earth, not Gandalf or some high-falutin' Elf, it's the ordinary soldiers who view the enemies as people whereas their leaders see them merely as smelly, animalistic obstacles.
It seems as the story develops we see changes happening, the Rohirrim for example moving forwards from their prejudiced ways into learning to accept other races, even enemy ones, which would eventually lead in to the more modern way of viewing an enemy as not merely something almost inorganic to be slaughtered but as a fellow human who deserves respect even in the fury of war. Rather like the move Tolkien saw from the sheer brutality exercised by Nazi leaders against their enemies to the standard of respect for POWs hoped for under the Geneva Convention.
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Gordon's alive!
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