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Well, the physical form 'worn' by an Ainu was not a hroa, but a -------- (Tolkien gives it a specific name, but I forget). It's qualitatively different from the hroar of Incarnates. The signal exception was the Istari, who indeed by some means known only in Valinor, were ealar incarnate in hroar as if they were Eruhini.
Tolkien makes it clear, I believe in the same essay quoted, that Melian's bearing a child was an extraordinary and singular case, permitted because Luthien was to be part of the Plan (or the Music). Although for a long time Tolkien envisioned "Children of the Valar" (the later Maiar), he abandoned that idea.
As for Maia-orcs: compare the happy, healthy Ungoliant-Shelob family!
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The entire plot of The Lord of the Rings could be said to turn on what Sauron didn’t know, and when he didn’t know it.
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