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Well, Melian didn't die, or, perhaps more to the point, she wasn't killed. She surrendered the body she was in and returned to Valinor, and thus exercised free will in the matter. Tolkien does point out that the bodies of the Istari were "real and not feigned"; I believe he states somewhere amid all his writings that though they were not subject to death by old age, they were truly corporeal and not fanar. This particular aspect was apparently imposed on them by the nature of their mission and how the Valar wanted it carried out, the flesh diminishing their power and memories at the same time it gave them a clearer understanding of what it meant to live as truly and naturally incarnate beings.
I myself have long wondered about where these "real" bodies came from. We know that when one of the Ainur attaches his or herself to their fana for too long, it becomes "real" in the sense that they can no longer discard as they would clothing (which Tolkien tells us is the usual case for an Ainu shedding his fana). But is the making of a "real" body for themselves within the power of the Ainur in Ea? One would think so, from Melian's case (since one would presume a real body was necessary in order for her to have a child with Thingol), but Tolkien never actually says where her body came from, and why she was able to leave it without a terrible cost to herself. Then again, maybe there was a terrible cost to herself, which is why she has never sung again. We just don't know. Since we know of no other Elf/Ainu couples, perhaps Eru did have a hand in it.
At any rate, Eru clearly doesn't decide the fate of beings like the Balrogs, but perhaps only He knows what becomes of them after they have suffered a bodily death from which they finally cannot return. It's an interesting matter to ponder.
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