Willie, read Twain's "The War Prayer." It deals with the issues you were speaking of. It's very beautiful, and really makes you think, especially at times like these.
I think that Tolkien probably thought just what you said, Nenya, and that most of his thoughts on killing were summed up in Gandalf's "Pity" speech. But I also think that he probably believed that killing in self-defense was justifiable, as Eowyn was basically saying.
Frodo knew that he could keep Gollum under control without using violence, because he knew what the power of the Ring could do. Sam, on the other hand, was incredibly (and understandably) distrustful of Gollum, and didn't know what the fact that Frodo had the Ring could do to to keep Gollum in check. So for Frodo to kill Gollum would be unjustified, since it wasn't necessary and there were other methods that he could use in self-defense.
~*~Orual~*~
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"Oh, my god! I care so little, I almost passed out!" --Dr. Cox, "Scrubs"
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