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Morthoron · 07-14-2008, 07:11 PM

Leslie 'Sonny' Moreduck, Editor in Chief
The Barrow Newspaper
57 Old Barrow Way
West Downshire
Barrow Downs
BD27 G46

My Dearest Les:

As I haven't seen you since Mother's Day, I thought I would drop a line just to say hello, and thank you again for the lovely "I Survived the 2004 Downer's Picnic" t-shirt you gave me as a present. Dear, I know you said it was a collector's item, and very valuable, but I passed by your news offices the other day (you weren't in), and there was a box full of what seemed to be the same t-shirts lying in the gutter next to the trash cans. Are those made of a different material or something? Ah well, no matter. I always get complimented when I wear it to the Bridge Club. The other mothers say things like, "Thats what your son got you for Mother's Day? My, he is a big spender!" Or "If he got you that as a gift, I can just imagine what your funeral will be like." It's so very nice to have such a thoughtful son.

Father is doing fine now that he's had his bowels shaved. There's no more of that very loud grunting and gasping from the loo in the morning. He sends his love. Well, what he actually said was, "we should have found a midwife with a twig and rooted it out," but you know how he is -- such a comedian. Your brother Bertie sends his best wishes. Just think, only five more years and he'll be out on good behavior. As you know, he would have gotten out earlier had it not been for that unfortunate mishap when his Tourettes suddenly acted up and he insulted the parole board for several minutes (public speaking was never his forte').

Anyway, congratulations on yet another fine edition of 'The Downer'. I don't really understand a word of it, but it seems to be spelled correctly and has very colorful adverts. I should expect you'll be coming around next week as your grandmum has finally gotten her false teeth and won't be drooling gruel on your nice suit like last time.

See you soon dear.

Love, your Mum

07-14-2008, 07:11 PM	#1043
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Leslie 'Sonny' Moreduck, Editor in Chief The Barrow Newspaper 57 Old Barrow Way West Downshire Barrow Downs BD27 G46 My Dearest Les: As I haven't seen you since Mother's Day, I thought I would drop a line just to say hello, and thank you again for the lovely "I Survived the 2004 Downer's Picnic" t-shirt you gave me as a present. Dear, I know you said it was a collector's item, and very valuable, but I passed by your news offices the other day (you weren't in), and there was a box full of what seemed to be the same t-shirts lying in the gutter next to the trash cans. Are those made of a different material or something? Ah well, no matter. I always get complimented when I wear it to the Bridge Club. The other mothers say things like, "Thats what your son got you for Mother's Day? My, he is a big spender!" Or "If he got you that as a gift, I can just imagine what your funeral will be like." It's so very nice to have such a thoughtful son. Father is doing fine now that he's had his bowels shaved. There's no more of that very loud grunting and gasping from the loo in the morning. He sends his love. Well, what he actually said was, "we should have found a midwife with a twig and rooted it out," but you know how he is -- such a comedian. Your brother Bertie sends his best wishes. Just think, only five more years and he'll be out on good behavior. As you know, he would have gotten out earlier had it not been for that unfortunate mishap when his Tourettes suddenly acted up and he insulted the parole board for several minutes (public speaking was never his forte'). Anyway, congratulations on yet another fine edition of 'The Downer'. I don't really understand a word of it, but it seems to be spelled correctly and has very colorful adverts. I should expect you'll be coming around next week as your grandmum has finally gotten her false teeth and won't be drooling gruel on your nice suit like last time. See you soon dear. Love, your Mum __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 07-14-2008 at 08:15 PM.