In the end, the Lonely Hearts were so sure that
Gollum and
Sally were not only
Lovers, but the famed
Romeo and
Juliet, that they were left only to discuss in which order the pair should be killed. Brinniel and Nogrod said Juliet, for certainty, Shasta and Gwath said Romeo, for canonicity, and it got to the point where Romeo fainted from the agony of waiting.
Juliet
despaired and voted for herself, then took up a dagger and
plunged it into her breast. Or chest, if you want to be that way about it. Romeo awoke from his fainting spell to find his love dead, and
wailed in agony, while Shasta complained that this wasn’t all quite right. “What I wouldn’t give for a bottle of poison right about now,” he said.
“I have some,” offered Gwath, helpfully.
Shasta took the convenient bottle and offered it to the stricken Lover. “Here, Romeo, take this, it’ll make you feel better.”
Romeo took it, kissed Juliet, and died.
Their spirits rose from the bodies of Gollum and Sally, clutching at each other with insubstantial hands. But like Tristan and Isolde before, Venus took no pity on them, and they faded into nothing, to be forever apart.
“Once star crossed, always star crossed,” said Nogrod. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”