Quote:
Originally Posted by Bêthberry
*makes note to bring this to the attention of Mr. Dark Elf, who has a sharp hand himself in such (letter writing) affairs*
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From the Desk of the Dark Elf
TO: The Hobbiton Garden Club
Post Office Box 13
3 West Road Lane
Hobbiton, The Shire
RE: Hobbitish Habits and Perrianathic Proclivities
Considering the invisible hand of non-ritualistic Catholicity permeating Hobbitish society, stiff as it is with a rigid class-system groaning with Victorian repression, one can easily ascertain among heaving Halflings who is on top and who is bringing up the rear (speaking from a purely societal sense). The sublimated Popery never swells to bulging proportions, as religiosity is neatly swept beneath the covers, but there is still a missionary zeal among Hobbits -- at least in the sense of the commission of one’s procreative mission, with no admission of dominant/submission, a glaring omission certainly in keeping with the stifled moral aspects of the priggish perrianath.
But roiling below the prim veneer of tightly buttoned weskits and brooding bustles is a nipple…I mean…ripple of kinkiness pervading the seedy underbelly of seemingly staid Hobbitish life. Is it any wonder that the mushroom, that most phallic of fungi, is worshipped by these habitual hole-dwellers? Of course, proclivities and fetishes stay as well hidden as the inhibited inhabitants ensconced in their undulating mounds, and a symbolic code – a language of love – has risen up among the Hobbits, representing a secret idiom that foils nosey outsiders, but is as good as a wink and a nudge to the knowing Shirelings. For example, there is the rather disturbing naming convention of some established Hobbitish families that vaguely resembles soft-core porn (Bilbo and Bungo, for instance), and the more pervasive naming of female Hobbits after flowers, who are, of course, pollinated quite regularly with fertile abandon.
Of course, there is the presence of ‘confirmed bachelors’ living under the same roof (which is perhaps where the ‘Queer Lodgings’ chapter from The Hobbit got its name), and the all too uncomfortable sequence of four male Hobbits cavorting and dancing naked on the Barrow Downs. To put it in terms that are not too explicit, Samwise had to marry Rosie Cotton, not because he knocked her up prematurely, but because the gossip around Hobbiton centered on Bag End (and if that isn’t a metaphoric name, I don’t know what is), and the odd relationship between the ‘gardener’ and his ‘master’. Talk about turning into something ‘unnatural’!
Keep up the good work, ladies. Stiff upper lip and all!
Sincerely,
Morthoron
The Dark Elf