[Mithalwen]

I think there are several issues - Theodred had died a glorious death in the eyes his people and if we assume that Eomer's words at Pellennor "Mourn not overmuch! Mighty was the fallen, meet was his ending. When his mound is raised, women then shall weep.War now calls us" was not uncharacteristic of his people then it isn't that they don't care but that they get on and do what has to be done before they "indulge" their grief.

I do think that Theoden's words at Meduseld are as much for Theodred as his exact contemporary Boromir who died within hours of him "The young perish and the old linger withering". He is also reluctant to pass by the Fords of Isen on the way to Orthanc. I think partly that the death of Theodred is too painful to speak of for Theoden - Eomer speaks of him so he is not forgotten.

However in times of war when everyone has lost people it is not appropriate to make his reasoning so personal. For example in Britain the elaborate funeral and mourning rituals left over from Victorian days disappeared during the First World War because so many had died; most of the dead were buried where they fell so mourning became a private thing, not a public ritual on an individual level which was replaced to an extent by the communal acts of remembrance such as the war memorials that stand in even the tiniest village to honour the dead and comfort those who might never be able to visit actual graves.

At Isengard, everyone there knows what Theoden's greatest grief must be, so when he speaks of other losses the memory unspoken gives power to his words. It is not a politician's pat response but one speaking who knows, only ten days after his son. A very brief time. Saruman has made out that the conflict is a sort of misunderstanding due to Theoden being beset by "unwise and evil counsels" and reproaches Theoden for the injuries done to him! It would have been easy to say "But you murdered my son" but for all that he was targeted, Theodred was a great warrior and died a warrior's death. Mutilating the dead and killing children are war crimes and show that the conflict is deeper and nastier than some sort of border skirmish. Tolkien's heros play it straight - one of the reasons why of all the film's trangressions, Aragorn's killing the emissary of Sauron illustrated just how little Jackson understood the book.