Nice to see stuff happening.
Mnemo and I are going to write a post together today... *evil grin*
Nogrod, could you change this part of your post:
Quote:
Modtryth was just coming to pour them some more wine when lord Athanar suddenly spread his hands with a seemingly bright idea crossing his mind.
His right hand hit the winecase and a lot of wine poured down to his lap. He turned his eye to Modtryth only to see her shaking all over in fear. "What is your name woman?" He asked in a stern voice while wondering if she was indeed a dunleding... Now what is this... a dunleding in my Hall... I clearly know not half of what is going on down here.
"Modtryth, sir, wife of Stigend the carpenter and the humble servant of the eorl... and lady Saeryn..." Modtryth managed to answer.
"Well Modtryth, it was my fault... you were only carrying out your duties. Fill our goblets and then get a towel for me." He said now quite softly even if determinatedly, looking at the woman beside her.
"Sure my lord... just a moment..." Modtryth said and filled the goblets and thus went away to search for a towel.
Lord Athanar seemed not to care of the wine poured on his lap but leaned forward.
"If the inheritance is the problem, I think we could come up with a solution..."
Looking at the confused faces of Saeryn and Degas lord Athanar almost laughed out aloud.
"Now listen to me... this will be between ourselves and not leaked into the commoners... not even to master Thornden... right?" He looked for the accepting nods from the two.
"I'm here on an assignment from king Eomer but I have no idea of spending my retiring years here... so whoever takes the leadership of the Mead Hall here after my duties are fulfilled, and I get a promotion from the king, it's pretty much same to me... so how if we could come up with an arrangement that you lady Saeryn would be the inheritor of this place? If king Eomer is not knowledgeable of your child or has just not thought of it... then we could act by ourselves, or ask his blessing on our deal?"
Modtryth came with the towels and together the two tried to clean as much they could. After a few minutes lord Athanar asked Modtryth to leave.
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to this:
Quote:
Modtryth was just coming to pour them some more wine when lord Athanar suddenly spread his hands with a seemingly bright idea crossing his mind.
His right hand hit the winecase and a lot of wine poured down to his lap. He turned his eye to Modtryth only to see her grow pale. "What is your name woman?" He asked in a stern voice while wondering if she was indeed a dunleding... Now what is this... a dunleding in my Hall... I clearly know not half of what is going on down here.
"Modtryth, sir, at your service," she replied curtly, eyes downcast. "I'm the wife of Stigend the carpenter... and the humble servant of the eorl, and lady Saeryn."
"Well Modtryth, it was my fault... you were only carrying out your duties. Fill our goblets and then get a towel for me." He said now quite softly even if determinatedly, looking at the woman beside her.
"Sure my lord," Modtryth said and filled the goblets and thus went away to search for a towel.
Lord Athanar seemed not to care of the wine poured on his lap but leaned forward.
"If the inheritance is the problem, I think we could come up with a solution..."
Looking at the confused faces of Saeryn and Degas lord Athanar almost laughed out aloud.
"Now listen to me... this will be between ourselves and not leaked into the commoners... not even to master Thornden... right?" He looked for the accepting nods from the two.
"I'm here on an assignment from king Eomer but I have no idea of spending my retiring years here... so whoever takes the leadership of the Mead Hall here after my duties are fulfilled, and I get a promotion from the king, it's pretty much same to me... so how if we could come up with an arrangement that you lady Saeryn would be the inheritor of this place? If king Eomer is not knowledgeable of your child or has just not thought of it... then we could act by ourselves, or ask his blessing on our deal?"
Modtryth came with the towels and together the two tried to clean as much they could. After a few minutes lord Athanar asked Modtryth to leave.
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?
Basically I kept your main idea - Modtryth being sort of scared by Athanar - but modified her behaviour to a more characteristic way and took out some waffling and three dots that I wouldn't write for her myself.
