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the phantom · 02-28-2011, 04:17 PM

DEAR DOWNER
THIS WEEK’S GUEST COLUMNIST- Urwen

Nerwen writes- Who is better- Maedhros, Glaurung, Eru, or Beren?
Urwen answers- Well Maedhros is totally out, since he’s the one that made Melkor mad enough to make the plague that killed Lalaith. Plus everyone knows Melkor used Maedhros’s severed hand as source material. Glaurung was very very mean to Lalaith’s family, and he probably even laughed when she died. And Eru didn’t spare her somehow, even though her brother was. What, was she unworthy?! Big jerk. And Beren wouldn’t give the Silmaril to Feanor’s sons, so they got mad, and that’s why Doriath didn’t help Maedhros’s alliance, and if they had maybe they would’ve been strong enough to move quicker ahead of the plague or maybe Melian could’ve healed Lalaith or something. So no- they’re all bad!

Rikae writes- Would you be so kind as to come up with a scenario in which Lalaith marries Aragorn?
Urwen answers- Ha, I thought of that years ago!
Maedhros: “Never mind Morgoth. We give up. Let’s talk.”
Morgoth: “Okay, so, you surrender now?”
Maedhros: *stalls* “Um….”
Morgoth: “So….?”
Maedhros: “Ha ha, I was kidding! Just giving time for all children to be evacuated! Now we fight!
Thingol: “Yes, we will take care of Turin and Lalaith for you, Hurin.”
Melian: “And I will send Lalaith to Beren and Luthien and have them put her into enchanted sleep, because I had a dream that said Turin would marry his sister!”
Hurin: “Thanks, you guys are great.”
Luthien: “Hi, Lalaith. We’re taking you up to a cave in Ered Luin to sleep.”
**Many years pass**
Cirdan: “I’ve lived around here a long time, but never noticed this cave before.”
Lalaith: “I’m awake now!”
Cirdan: “I will send you to Elrond to grow up. He can tell you all the history you missed.”
Elrond: “Good job Lalaith. You’re completely smart now, and a good fighter and everything.”
Lalaith: “Who’s that?”
Elrond: “That’s my adopted son, Aragorn. He just got back from a long trip.”
Aragorn: “You’re really pretty and funny and stuff. I like you.”
Lalaith: “Yay!”

Galadriel55 writes- I think that the next logical step after obsession with a fictional toddler would be obsession with a real life toddler. What do you say to that?
Urwen answers- I'm kinda there already. I killed my parents so I could have my little sister, and I made her to answer to “Lalaith”. When she started looking too old to be Lalaith, I killed her and had her stuffed. Now she can always be my Lalaith! I love going on walks with her (I pull her in a wagon).

Phantom writes- Who’s your favorite Tolkien character?
Urwen answers- Oh, ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Sally writes- I heard a rumor that you’re secretly Nog, and he created your account just to have a bit of fun with us.
Urwen answers- Oh my! Perhaps we can have a private chat about this?

02-28-2011, 04:17 PM	#2
the phantom Beloved Shadow Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: The Stadium Posts: 5,971	DEAR DOWNER THIS WEEK’S GUEST COLUMNIST- Urwen Nerwen writes- Who is better- Maedhros, Glaurung, Eru, or Beren? Urwen answers- Well Maedhros is totally out, since he’s the one that made Melkor mad enough to make the plague that killed Lalaith. Plus everyone knows Melkor used Maedhros’s severed hand as source material. Glaurung was very very mean to Lalaith’s family, and he probably even laughed when she died. And Eru didn’t spare her somehow, even though her brother was. What, was she unworthy?! Big jerk. And Beren wouldn’t give the Silmaril to Feanor’s sons, so they got mad, and that’s why Doriath didn’t help Maedhros’s alliance, and if they had maybe they would’ve been strong enough to move quicker ahead of the plague or maybe Melian could’ve healed Lalaith or something. So no- they’re all bad! Rikae writes- Would you be so kind as to come up with a scenario in which Lalaith marries Aragorn? Urwen answers- Ha, I thought of that years ago! Maedhros: “Never mind Morgoth. We give up. Let’s talk.” Morgoth: “Okay, so, you surrender now?” Maedhros: stalls “Um….” Morgoth: “So….?” Maedhros: “Ha ha, I was kidding! Just giving time for all children to be evacuated! Now we fight! Thingol: “Yes, we will take care of Turin and Lalaith for you, Hurin.” Melian: “And I will send Lalaith to Beren and Luthien and have them put her into enchanted sleep, because I had a dream that said Turin would marry his sister!” Hurin: “Thanks, you guys are great.” Luthien: “Hi, Lalaith. We’re taking you up to a cave in Ered Luin to sleep.” Many years pass Cirdan: “I’ve lived around here a long time, but never noticed this cave before.” Lalaith: “I’m awake now!” Cirdan: “I will send you to Elrond to grow up. He can tell you all the history you missed.” Elrond: “Good job Lalaith. You’re completely smart now, and a good fighter and everything.” Lalaith: “Who’s that?” Elrond: “That’s my adopted son, Aragorn. He just got back from a long trip.” Aragorn: “You’re really pretty and funny and stuff. I like you.” Lalaith: “Yay!” Galadriel55 writes- I think that the next logical step after obsession with a fictional toddler would be obsession with a real life toddler. What do you say to that? Urwen answers- I'm kinda there already. I killed my parents so I could have my little sister, and I made her to answer to “Lalaith”. When she started looking too old to be Lalaith, I killed her and had her stuffed. Now she can always be my Lalaith! I love going on walks with her (I pull her in a wagon). Phantom writes- Who’s your favorite Tolkien character? Urwen answers- Oh, ha ha ha ha ha!!! Sally writes- I heard a rumor that you’re secretly Nog, and he created your account just to have a bit of fun with us. Urwen answers- Oh my! Perhaps we can have a private chat about this? __________________ the phantom has posted. This thread is now important.