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Kuruharan · 06-14-2011, 12:21 PM

By: Kuruharan, son of Khoreth, Underground

Lorien -

The Arda Cup…an exciting extravaganza celebrating the way sport can bring the world together or a vehicle of debauchery for footballers and those who mooch off of them?

As many of you are no doubt completely unaware, the ravages of cultural rot in our society were set to new lows during the last Cup by such names as Coleen Balrog #4 (wife of Balrog #4), Cheryl Ancalagon (wife of Ancalagon), and the raunchy arch-diva herself Victoria “Rich Parsley” Sauron (who needs no introduction). But never fear, ladies and gentledwarves, The Underground is here and our cracked reporters have brought to light shocking allegations of uncontrolled shopping sprees, wild parties and unlicensed balloon stands that raged throughout the course of last year’s Cup.

Indeed, during last year’s Cup one alcohol fueled international shopping binge ultimately spanned 8 nations, cost 3 million gold, 5 dead and 26 wounded. Over the course of this spree The Underground has learned Coleen Balrog #4 bought a pair of sunglasses so large she toppled over when she put them on and Cheryl Ancalagon had to buy a handbag so enormous it required a dozen Haradrian slaves to carry…all for the purpose of holding Coleen’s sunglasses.

But most shocking of all is the charge that during last year’s championship match Victoria “Rich Parsley” Sauron ran a charity juice stand that cost so much money to operate her husband Sauron had to take out a mortgage on Cirith Ungol.

One of our reporters recently questioned Sauron regarding these allegations. He had this to say:

Sauron: Who are you and what are you talking about?! I’m not married! I’ve never heard of a “Rich Parsley” and I’ve never taken a mortgage out Cirith Ungol! You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!

Clearly a man hopelessly lost to love and in the deepest depths of denial about the costs of his wayward spouse’s wasteful lifestyle.

Will such decadence lead to Sauron and his Wilderland squad losing their chance at the Arda Cup? Only time will tell.

06-14-2011, 12:21 PM	#10
Kuruharan Regal Dwarven Shade Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: A Remote Dwarven Hold Posts: 3,593	WAGs Gone Wild By: Kuruharan, son of Khoreth, Underground Lorien - The Arda Cup…an exciting extravaganza celebrating the way sport can bring the world together or a vehicle of debauchery for footballers and those who mooch off of them? As many of you are no doubt completely unaware, the ravages of cultural rot in our society were set to new lows during the last Cup by such names as Coleen Balrog #4 (wife of Balrog #4), Cheryl Ancalagon (wife of Ancalagon), and the raunchy arch-diva herself Victoria “Rich Parsley” Sauron (who needs no introduction). But never fear, ladies and gentledwarves, The Underground is here and our cracked reporters have brought to light shocking allegations of uncontrolled shopping sprees, wild parties and unlicensed balloon stands that raged throughout the course of last year’s Cup. Indeed, during last year’s Cup one alcohol fueled international shopping binge ultimately spanned 8 nations, cost 3 million gold, 5 dead and 26 wounded. Over the course of this spree The Underground has learned Coleen Balrog #4 bought a pair of sunglasses so large she toppled over when she put them on and Cheryl Ancalagon had to buy a handbag so enormous it required a dozen Haradrian slaves to carry…all for the purpose of holding Coleen’s sunglasses. But most shocking of all is the charge that during last year’s championship match Victoria “Rich Parsley” Sauron ran a charity juice stand that cost so much money to operate her husband Sauron had to take out a mortgage on Cirith Ungol. One of our reporters recently questioned Sauron regarding these allegations. He had this to say: Sauron: Who are you and what are you talking about?! I’m not married! I’ve never heard of a “Rich Parsley” and I’ve never taken a mortgage out Cirith Ungol! You’ll be hearing from my lawyers! Clearly a man hopelessly lost to love and in the deepest depths of denial about the costs of his wayward spouse’s wasteful lifestyle. Will such decadence lead to Sauron and his Wilderland squad losing their chance at the Arda Cup? Only time will tell. __________________ ...finding a path that cannot be found, walking a road that cannot be seen, climbing a ladder that was never placed, or reading a paragraph that has no...