[Nilpaurion Felagund]

We interrupt this mindless blathering about numbers and fractions done by old men in a stuffy room* to bring you a true sports fan--or so he claims.
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* This statement is directed at the reports of the sogenannte ArdaCup.com Stats Report, and not the other journalists who have posted alongside it. Unless you feel offended, in which case it means you, too.

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Hi! This is the Felagundion's sports blog, here to bring you true sports journalism--none of the stats and all of the fanaticism. We'll not be doing reports on the friendlies because, quite frankly, who cares about them? True sports fan watch games where something's on the line--not some happy campfire sing-along with a football.

Now let's start with the group stages: who's most likely to get in, who might make it with luck and effort, and who gets to watch the rest of the games from the television in their hotel rooms.

GROUP A
Advance: Tirion, Doriath
Dark Horse: Himring
Out: Shire-Bree United

This is where the dream starts! Finrod, his father, grandfather and brother begin their quest for the Arda Cup by defeating the overrated Sindarin in a glorious match, and then disposing of their less talented brethren from Himring. The hobbits and men of SBU will need more than a pint after the humiliation they'll be subjected to in this group.

GROUP B
Advance: Wilderland, Misty Mountains
Dark Horse: Anduin
Out: Esgaroth

Quite frankly I can't be bovvered with this group. Fodder in the bracket stage. Next please.

GROUP C
Advance: Anfauglith, Angband
Dark Horse: Hithlum, The Downer

I don't know why they've let Balrogs join their team, but anyway, Fingolfin and company will put the fear of Eru in Morgoth and his ilk, who'll bully everyone else. Hard to judge though, since everyone has a fighting chance, even them strange ones who attract yellow cards like Nilp attracts lynchings.

GROUP D
Advance: Eregion, Gondor
Dark Horse: Eriador
Out: Barad-dûr

Another one of those fodderweight groups, I'm afraid. Only Eregion has a chance out of the group stages, should they finally find that shooting touch.

GROUP E
Advance: Tol-in-Gaurhoth, The Forest
Dark Horse: Mordor, Nargothrond

Really? You let a dragon in your team? You could have had tried harder to get Tûrin, for crying out loud! Ai, laurië lantar lassi súrinen . . .

In other news, Tom Bombadil could be the greatest player ever, or the greatest waste of player slots. But you probably already know that.

GROUP F
Advance: Númenor, Westernesse
Out: Tol Eressëa, Mithrim

In an ideal world, Tar-Míriel will get her comeuppance against her unspeakable excuse of a cousin, even if it's just in the football pitch. And to the other teams: there's this little thing called a goal. You should try getting some.

GROUP G
Advance: Valinor, Gondolin
Dark Horse: Pelóri, Beleriand

The Group of Death, as they say. But if there's one thing you can take to the bank, it's for Manwë to choke some time or another.

GROUP H
Advance: Lothlórien, Minas Tirith
Dark Horse: Minas Morgul
Out: Dunharrow

Rather boring group, unless that kinslaying chap steps up. Good wins over evil, at least in this realm, so the Tower of the Guard will defeat the Tower of Black Ghouls to come in second. (Lack of Arda-class talent will, however, lose to both good and evil. Sorry, Dunharrow)

And now for predictions on the first round of group matches:

GROUP A:
Doriath vs Tirion
Himring vs Shire-Bree United

That might be your championship match, right there! (Not the one with the Halflings, of course.)

GROUP B:
Esgaroth vs Misty Mountains
Anduin vs Wilderland

Might be exciting matches, considering the skill gaps.

GROUP C:
Angband vs Hithlum
Anfauglith vs The Downer

The bullies and their conquerors-to-be should take their games.

GROUP D:
Barad-dûr vs Eriador
Eregion vs Gondor

Will Eregion's shooters wake up in time?

GROUP E:
Mordor vs Nargothrond
The Forest vs Tol-in-Gaurhoth

Will we see Tom Bombadil? Or will we see ten players on the pitch against the Werewolves? In other news, zzz . . .

GROUP F:
Mithrim vs Westernesse
Númenor vs Tol Eressëa

Them Second Children over the First and the before-the-First, easy.

GROUP G:
Beleriand vs Pelóri
Gondolin vs Valinor

A scoreless draw, followed by a dominating performance by Valinor.

GROUP H:
Lothlórien vs Minas Morgul
Dunharrow vs Minas Tirith

Only Galadriel could turn a team with Arda-class talent into a team that might not make it out of the group stages. Had they been in a stronger group, that is.

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DISCLAIMER: The Felagundion may be a raving lunatic--reader discretion is recommended.