Since no more complete correct solutions to the crossword puzzle have been offered,
GALADRIEL55
wins a pizza wedge for the most nearly correct solution, having got all but two words right; also bonus points for creative thinking in her post #3069.
And now
for all of you who are still in the dark
TEH SOLUTION!
*drumroll*
If you didn't win any part of the cement pizza and are curious what you've missed, the whole thing in all its hideous glory can be viewed
here.
Thank you for playing, everybody! I hope this was as much fun for you as it was for me.