Welcome to the Downs,
sunrabbit! You ask some good questions.
Firstly, let's distinguish between the fate of Elves and Men. When Elves die, their spirits go to the Halls of Waiting, aka the Halls of Mandos, in the Uttermost West. Some Elves, after a certain time, are allowed to reincarnate, if they so choose. Others, like Feanor, are not allowed. It depends on what the Elf does in his/her lifetime. Whatever the options, though, the spirits of the Elves are bound to the world. They do not leave it.
Men do not go to the Halls of Mandos, and they are not bound to the world. When they die, their spirits leave it. I think they go to be with Iluvatar (the All-father that created the world), and I believe there is a legend that after the Middle-Earth equivalent of the end of the world the Men will participate in making the new world... Death was given to Men as a Gift from Iluvatar, but Morgoth put fear in their minds and turned it into a Doom.
Here is what Iluvatar says about Elves and Men in The Silmarillion, Of THe Beginning of Days:
Quote:
"But the Quendi shall be the fairest of al earthly creatures, and they shall have and shall conceive and bring forth more beauty than all my Children; and they shall have the greater bliss in this world. But to the Atani [Men] I will give a new gift." Therefore he willed it that the hearts of Men should seek beyond the world and should find no rest therein; but they should have a virtue to shape their life, amid the powers and chances of the world, beyond theMusic of the Ainur, which is as fate to all things else; and of their operation everything should be, in form and deed, completed, and the world flufilled unto the last and smallest.
But Iluvatar knew that Men, being set amid the turmoils of the powers of the world, would stray often,and would not use their gifts in harmony...
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Most of this information is from The Silmarillion. Have you read it?