Quote:
Originally Posted by Morthoron
Samwise asked Gandalf if orc-chicks were hot,
The wizard raised an eyebrow and replied, "I think not."
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Thanks for the couplet. Incisive, as well as inspirational. This takes us into the LOTR "future." But how to get there from here in the past at Hobbit's end? A "romantic" possibility:
There and Here and There Again
Samwise had the hots for Rosie Cotton
But orc-chicks, in a pinch, might just come through,
Especially since Gandalf had Shanghaied him
To spend a year out on the road with few,
If any, opportunities for spawning
While watching Frodo stroke his ring: a clue
To why his master never seemed to notice
A thing both female and one half of two
Which qualities -- for Samwise like all sailors
In port for just a day -- would have to do.
But this takes us somewhat beyond our story:
The Hobbit movies' end left strings untied
With Thranduil and Tauriel uncertain
About what their relationship implied.
King Thranduil's son Legolas had vanished
To search out one man with a lengthy stride
(At that time ten years old in Elrond's keeping,
Which Thranduil did not disclose. He lied?)
So Legolas must search in vain for decades
Till Aragorn and he somehow collide.
Which leaves the killer Elf-chick and her problem:
If no Young Elf Lord or hung dwarf remains,
The "Lovely Triad" has two missing angles.
Supplying them presents a pair of pains.
But undismayed, our writers of pre-sequels
Concoct a plan, though not one rife with brains.
Just send her to the future where Sam Gamgee
And Smeagol/Gollum meet on Mordor's plains.
There Tauriel "relieves" both horny Hobbits.
Ménage à trois restored: no stress, no strains.
-- Michael Murry, The Misfortune Teller (2020)