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Originally Posted by Mister Underhill
Another thought -- the flip side of the expectation that women will stay home and mourn their dead is the expectation that men will take up arms and fight, and die. The social pressure on men to be warriors can be incredible, as Tolkien himself knew full well. So what if you're a sensitive young man, more given to poetry and learning than the marshal arts? Well, you take up arms anyway and do your duty, as you can hardly do otherwise without suffering the censure of society. I seem to recall Tolkien saying that Faramir was the character with whom he most closely identified, and I get the sense that it's in this regard too. Faramir doesn't relish his role as warrior, and he can't wait to get back to less violent pursuits when the war is over. Both men and women can be victims of the pressures and expectations exerted by their culture.
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That's a very good point, I think, and a nice new perspective.
There are examples of 'reluctant (male) warriors' in the books, who were unable to perform the duty required of them as men. The host of the West that were to act as cannon-fodder for Sauron's armies to give the Ring-bearer a chance had some.
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So time and the hopless journey wore away. Upon the fourth day from the Cross-roads and the sixth from Minas Tirith they came at last to the end of the living lands, and began to pass into the desolation that lay before the gates of the pass of Cirith Gorgor; and they could decry the marshes and the desert that stretched north and west to the Emyn Muil. So desolate were those places and so deep the horror that lay on them that some of the host were unmanned, and they could neither walk nor ride further north.
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ROTK The Black Gate Opens
And much earlier in ME history, there was the sad plight of the lord of Brethil, Brandir son of Handir. With a lame leg which left him unable to perform as a warrior, and having a gentle temperament as well, he was publicy humiliated by his kinsman, Dorlas.
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"Hearken, Men of Brethil, it is now well seen that for the evil of our times the counsels of Brandir were vain. There is no escape by hiding. Will none of you take the place of the son of Handir, that the House of Haleth be not put to shame?
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Unfinished Tales Narn i Hîn Húrin
Plainly not every woman is a housemaid or a healer by desire, but neither is every man a fighter, though both have pressure to perform certain duties.