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Nar · 04-25-2002, 11:43 AM

Your sister-in-law? I hope you had her permission to post it. I like the two '...tomorrow' lines. I like the effect of repetition with variation in poetry. It is sometimes very trance-inducing. Spenser's Epithalamion (a wedding poem) would be an example. Every verse ends with a variation on 'The woods shall to me answer and my Eccho ring.' Based on your generally unsentimental posts, you would probably like the 19th verse, which dealt with the midnight hour and provided a peppery corrective to all the dreamy romantic stuff beforehand. It includes the immortal lines, 'Ne let th'unpleasant Choir of Frogs still croking/ Make us to wish theyr choking.' You might well hate the rest, but who knows?

I have no idea if this poem is derivative. My reading in poetry is more antique than modern. I like the form, the four short verses ending in an expanded conclusion. I like the sensation of dark and starry sky in the first two verses. It sounds like it should have a tune to it, which I like in a poem. I'd prefer a bit more development of the ideas. Perhaps he shouldn't be referred to as a king in the first two verses, then claiming the kingship in the last verse will have more impact. Question: is he to be the king of dreams or the king of stars? I would like more development of the idea in the 3rd and 4th verses-- moving beyond the kingdom of dreams in the stars. Why is it there? Because people dream at night while looking up with closed eyes? I would like more specific information about the battle referred to in the last verse. This would make a good power ballad. I hear howling guitars under that last verse.

Thanks for the encouragement about my writing. What's your opinion about mixing genres?

04-25-2002, 11:43 AM	#73
Nar Wight Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 228	Your sister-in-law? I hope you had her permission to post it. I like the two '...tomorrow' lines. I like the effect of repetition with variation in poetry. It is sometimes very trance-inducing. Spenser's Epithalamion (a wedding poem) would be an example. Every verse ends with a variation on 'The woods shall to me answer and my Eccho ring.' Based on your generally unsentimental posts, you would probably like the 19th verse, which dealt with the midnight hour and provided a peppery corrective to all the dreamy romantic stuff beforehand. It includes the immortal lines, 'Ne let th'unpleasant Choir of Frogs still croking/ Make us to wish theyr choking.' You might well hate the rest, but who knows? I have no idea if this poem is derivative. My reading in poetry is more antique than modern. I like the form, the four short verses ending in an expanded conclusion. I like the sensation of dark and starry sky in the first two verses. It sounds like it should have a tune to it, which I like in a poem. I'd prefer a bit more development of the ideas. Perhaps he shouldn't be referred to as a king in the first two verses, then claiming the kingship in the last verse will have more impact. Question: is he to be the king of dreams or the king of stars? I would like more development of the idea in the 3rd and 4th verses-- moving beyond the kingdom of dreams in the stars. Why is it there? Because people dream at night while looking up with closed eyes? I would like more specific information about the battle referred to in the last verse. This would make a good power ballad. I hear howling guitars under that last verse. Thanks for the encouragement about my writing. What's your opinion about mixing genres?