View Single Post
Old 04-20-2009, 03:42 PM   #44
Aran e-Godhellim
Haunting Spirit
 
Aran e-Godhellim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: The Halls of Mandos
Posts: 86
Aran e-Godhellim has just left Hobbiton.
I must admit, I am torn here. I agree with Aiwendil that this seems too much of a textual liberty, but I also agree that when the main text is poetry we should edit with poetry.

Findegil suggested altering the lines to:

Quote:
But one they watched, __ warded sleepless,
was stern-visored, strong, __ and in stature tall
as are Hithlum's men __ of the misty hills.
The cruel Orc-captain __ a casque did hale
of mighty work, __ and mocking he set 185
that helm on the head __ of his hapless foe:
'twas Hador's helm, __ high and lofty,
the tormenting Orcs __ did tauntingly scorn.
Tied the man lay to __ a trunk of a tree
in baleful bonds, __ yet bold-hearted 190
his mouth no mercy __ of Morgoth sued,
but defied his foes. __ Foully they smote him.
I can accept that. Aiwendil probably still wishes no retention at all, however, and I'm also fine with keeping a prose insert, though the form might be unpleasing.


As an aside, I just noticed that the line "Tied the man lay to __ a trunk of a tree" doesn't seem to alliterate properly. We should try and find a suitable fix for it.
Aran e-Godhellim is offline   Reply With Quote