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Scene: The unholy trinity are walking in a dense brushwood.
Sam: It must be getting near teatime.
Please be near teatime...
Fro: Sam, we don't have any tea.
Sam: Well, it would be near teatime, if we were in decent places.
Gollum: Silly hobbit! We're not in decent places. Sméagol doesn't even have decent underwearses.
*Suddenly, Frodo stops in his tracks*
Sam: Mr. Frodo? What is it?
Fro: I'm hopelessly traveling to Mordor with a short, fat hairy man and a frog who doesn't wear underwear to destroy a small metal bauble. It's just a feeling, but I don't think I'll be coming back.
Sam: Don't be ridiculous! That's just morbid thinking, and won't do you any good at all. We'll be
there and back again, just like old Mr. Bilbo. Did you like how I inserted a book reference into my speech just there, Mr. Frodo? I could do it again.
Short cuts make long delays, but Mordor makes longer ones! Forgive the paraphrasing there, but I thought a bit of brevity might lighten the mood a tad...
Statue: Shut up!
Sam: Whoa! A talking statue!
Fro: Yeah. Wow. *he hides his "Learn Ventriloquism in Five Easy Steps!" book*
*The statue is not a pretty thing anymore. Where once a grand head stood, now stood a football emblazoned with the words "Go REd sOx"*
Fro: I think these lands were once part of the Kingdom of Gondor. Long ago when there was a king.
Sam: Really? Where did you learn that?
Fro: Oh, for fun I listened once to one of Gandalf's long discourses. Heehee...garter belts...
Sam: Hey, look! The original head of the statue! It must be a priceless relic. I wonder if we could carry it...
Fro: No!
Sam: But it would fetch such a price...
Fro: No!
Sam: *grump*
Statue Head: Hey, look! I've got a crown again!
Sam: Whoa! The head talks too!
Fro*staring*: Wow. Yeah.
Sam: They cannot conquer for ever.
Fro: Hey, that wasn't in the script.
Sam:
I KNOW. (
PJ!)
Gollum: COME ON HOBBITS! It's this way, there's a clear path,
COME ON!!!! *grumble* Do I have to drag you two? I thought you were in some sort of a
hurry or something...*muttermutter*
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The next scene would be Pippin and Gandalf discussing "The Deep Breath Before The Plunge", Pippin being sent to light the beacons, and the beginning of the battle in Osgiliath.