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Old 03-24-2004, 11:32 PM   #154
Thenamir
Spectre of Capitalism
 
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
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Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!
The First Act

In all the preparation for the singing Gateskeeper found himself the only one taking the competition seriously, but was strapped for ideas and time. Earnur clumsily refused to work on the dance steps, mumbling alternately about fighting their way out and the medicinal qualities of Old Panther rotgut...when Kuruharan wasn't having trouble with Chrysophylax and the smoke and fire special effects he was trying to cozy up to Leninia with the idea of selling tickets to the competition for a slice of the profits...and Vogonwe's singing voice was matched only by the quality of his poetry, and he also wanted to write the lyrics. It was only when he calmly reminded them that their disembodied souls might spend forever with their shrewess emcee Leninia that they finally began to focus.

Costuming at least was not a problem. Earnur's pair of leather trousers fit right in, combined with an undershirt from which the sleeves had been unceremoniously ripped. (The sleeves were put to use tied together as a bandana for his head) Vogonwe needed no alteration in his normal wear -- the green spandex was actually a nice touch. Gateskeeper made as if he wanted to buy out Kuruharan's supply of long turkey feathers, and managed to fashion them into a primal warrior headdress which the dwarf grumblingly agreed to wear for the sake of the competition. If they won, Gateskeeper would pay double. If they lost, there was no point in paying in advance. For himself, Gateskeeper changed into a stiff-pressed shirt and trousers of the deepest blue, adorned with a silver badge in the shape of a shield on the left breast pocket, a white helmet, and curious spectacles which allowed the wearer to see out, but only showed the reflection of those who tried to peer in.

Gateskeeper was just dying to try out the new Sound-Khaard plug-in he'd gotten for his staff, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity -- but he was in need of source material -- not even a wizard can make music out of nothing, he must have something to work with. So while the other three desperately tried to get in sync, he quietly walked to a corner of the room and quietly mumbled another of his secret words of command, KAZAA.EXE!. Ignoring the ever present Banners of Warning (sent by the Lords of the Khopy-Wight), he received (or in the Simpleton, dhown-loded) an appropriate tune for their costume wear. Once the others heard the music (from whence it came, they could not tell), the steps fell quickly into place (with the help of another small spell the Gateskeeper had learned -- bakh-striit-boiz) and they were ready to head for the performance area.

Having been so long steeped in low-grade evil, and dealing with people and non-people of whom the kindest adjective would be "shady", he hardly expected fair play from a creature such as Leninia. By the rule of looks-fair-feels-foul, she had to be the fairest, foulest being this side of Moredough. Still, he made his way to the front of the stage and boldly said (or as boldly as his squeaking countertenor would allow), "We are ready. Who is to be our judge?" The statement was met with a snicker, the question with a pointing finger directed at the semi-stupefied Soregum. "Magic tea," gateskeeper thought to himself, "I'd bet my life on it." "Very well, " he said aloud, and addressing himself to Soregum, "I see you have some tea, but no cakes. Allow me." At this statement, despite Leninia's spells, he perked up considerably, and accepted a small cake from the Gateskeeper, over which he invoked the spirits of Norton and McAfee. It was all he could do on short notice, and he hoped it would do the trick.

"Enough chitchat," screetched Leninia, "on with the performance!"

With that, Earnur Etceteron stepped forward and in his manliest tone, a bit unsteady but mostly sober, he proclaimed, "Mistress Leninia, and honorable judge, may we present, the SmallShire People!" Gateskeeper tapped his staff to the ground and a catchy tune began to play, and miraculously, the 4 boys managed to keep time and step as they sang

Where can you find adventure
Seek questionable ventures
Learn fencing, shieldmaidenry
Where you can begin to
Make all the farce you want to
From Grundor to Pea Sea
Where you can fight and die
Sing songs just to survive
Study Oliphauntery
Come join our little band
Don't sit in the grand stand
We've got a Velou to meet


While Earnur and Kuruharan provided background by elegantly sparring sword-versus-axe (with Earnur's sword punctuating the beats with phrases like "Hey!" "Look out!" and "Watch where you're swingin' that axe you growth-stunted offspring of a mad boar!"), Vogonwe took center stage and executed a number of somersaults in time to the bridge-music, including a bounding triple-flip double twist back-half gainer that nearly brought Leninia out of her seat, especially when his landing was timed with a puff of flame from Chrysophylax. The song continued,

In the R P
You will wail like the banshees
In the R P
Pay Kuruharan his fees
In the R P
You will roam across the land
In the R P
(Except in Grundor, where we're banned)
In the R P
Come and camp out in a tent
In the R P
Come help us all fix up this Ent
In the R P
The Ent is broken -- we're just bent
In the R P, In the R P


Soregum seemed to be partially coming out of his stupor, and even began to tap his foot to the rhythms the SmallShire People banged out with their peppy dance routine. Even Leninia's sneer began to soften a bit before she regained herself. As the song closed Soregum managed a bit of applause before Leninia shot him a withering glance. There was an awkward silence as they smartly executed a left-face and marched off stage. It appeared that their performance had not swayed the audience, and they waited in the kiss-and-cry area for their performance scores...

Last edited by Thenamir; 03-25-2004 at 10:18 AM. Reason: minor edit and correction
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